Total pages in book: 71
Estimated words: 66518 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 333(@200wpm)___ 266(@250wpm)___ 222(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66518 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 333(@200wpm)___ 266(@250wpm)___ 222(@300wpm)
Once the camera was facing me again, Ryder said, “Tell me what’s going on. Why are you discouraged?”
“I know I should never compare myself to other people, because it’s a sure-fire way to feel like a failure. But it’s hard not to when I’m sitting here with zero inspiration, watching ideas burst from my classmate like an overflowing popcorn machine.”
“Maybe those ideas aren’t very good, though.”
“They’re brilliant actually, and he’s so happy and having so much fun. I get that I’ve always been more of an Eeyore than a Tigger, but I should be more excited about this. The fact that I’m not makes me think my collection is going to fall flat, and then I won’t be able to get a good job. My parents are going to think they were right.”
“About what?”
“They tried to talk me out of studying fashion design. If they’d had their way, I would have studied something practical like business or law, something that was guaranteed to lead to a high-paying job. I told them I could succeed and make money at this, but they were skeptical. Do you know how much it’s going to suck if I fail and have to hear them say I told you so?”
“You’re not going to fail.” He sounded confident about that, but I didn’t know why. “Forget about your parents, and let’s talk about what’s going on with you. What do you think is keeping you from designing your collection?”
“A lack of inspiration. My ideas don’t seem creative or original. I can design and sew a perfectly fine collection, but that’s not going to land me a good job when I graduate. I’m going to end up with the same bottom-of-the-barrel grunt work I’ve done in each of my internships, and that’s really discouraging.”
Ryder leaned against a wooden fence and tipped back his cowboy hat. “It’s no wonder you’ve having a hard time with this, what with all the pressure you’re putting on yourself. I can’t imagine anything that’d choke off creativity faster.”
“You’re right, but I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about that. There’s a lot riding on this collection, so feeling pressure is inevitable.”
“What used to get you excited about fashion design, back when you first chose it as a major? It might help to try to tap into that.”
“I don’t remember excitement, exactly. After I finished my general ed requirements, I let other people’s opinions sway me, and I took a few classes in different subjects, instead of jumping right into this major. This is when I was living with my ex in Southern California. Like my parents, he thought a career in fashion design was a pipe dream, and that I’d never be able to make money as a designer.”
“Was your ex older than you?”
“Yeah, by just a few years. But he had a high-paying job, so he thought he knew everything. When I left him and moved in with my best friend Logan in San Francisco, one of the first things I did was apply to Sutherlin, a highly respected art college. My timing was perfect. I got in right at the end of the enrollment period and was able to start just a few weeks later. That whole first year, I was extremely motivated. I piled on the classes and threw myself into my assignments. If an instructor told us to do five sketches, I’d do ten.”
“You must have really loved it.”
“That wasn’t what was driving me,” I admitted. “I was fueled by anger. I needed to prove everyone wrong, especially my ex. I was going to crush this program, land an awesome job, and become a hundred times more successful then he could ever hope to be.” Something dawned on me, and I muttered, “Oh, man. I think I’ve become my parents.”
“In what way?”
“Remember when I told you both families disapproved of their relationship, but they were incredibly stubborn and determined to prove everyone wrong?”
He nodded. “I do remember that.”
“I think I’m doing the same thing in a different context. I want to prove everyone wrong—not just my ex and my parents, but every single person who’s ever written me off as nothing more than a pretty face.”
I met his gaze through the screen and frowned. “What if everything I’ve been trying to achieve has been built on a foundation of anger and spite? That can’t be good, can it?”
“What I see in you is strength and determination, Hal. Even if you started off angry, you used it as fuel to build something positive for yourself.”
Ryder shifted the phone to his other hand and continued, “Plus, I know you love fashion design. You lit up when you talked about making dresses for your friend who’s trans, and when you told me about revamping dresses to give to LGBTQ kids.”
“I do love that. I also love creating something from nothing. It’s so rewarding to take an ordinary piece of fabric and transform it into something beautiful, something that’ll make whoever’s wearing it feel special and confident.”