Total pages in book: 160
Estimated words: 164263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 821(@200wpm)___ 657(@250wpm)___ 548(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 821(@200wpm)___ 657(@250wpm)___ 548(@300wpm)
“I don’t have time for this fucking bullshit.”
“What exactly seems to be the problem?” Paul continues. “You spent the night together and what then…?”
“Do you fucking listen to me at all?” I cry. “I’m having a mental breakdown, that’s what.” I continue to pace.
“Explain to me in feelings, give me an example.”
“I can think of nothing else but her. I dream of her, I stalk her on social media, I have guards on her so I know she’s safe so that I can at least function.” I keep walking back and forth as I think out loud. “All I want to do, all I think about doing, is going to her.”
“So why don’t you?”
My eyes rise to meet his. “Are you not listening, dumb, or just plain stupid?”
“I think you are struggling because for the first time in your life you have met someone who has awakened feelings in you that are completely foreign. You feel connected, satisfied and contented. Am I right?”
I listen as I keep pacing.
“Edward, have you ever considered that being the happiest version of yourself comes with goodbyes?”
“What the fuck does that even mean?” I snap.
“Goodbye to your old way of thinking, but I’m going to ask you something and I want you to think long and hard before you answer me. Why don’t you want to be in love?”
“It’s not that I don’t want to be in love.” I think for a moment.
“Go on.”
“This isn’t love, this is an obsession. I have an unhealthy fascination with this woman, I’m like a depraved stalker.”
“You haven’t felt like this about another woman before?”
“No.”
“Be honest with yourself, are you in love with Alora?”
“I don’t know.” I shrug as sadness falls over me, I can’t even do therapy right.
“Let’s talk about that for a moment. What does the thought of being in love, truly all in with your soulmate, make you feel?”
I stare at him as I feel fear swirl deep in my psyche. “Terrified.”
“Why?”
“None of my scars came from an enemy,” I murmur.
“I know.”
“And if I….” The lump in my throat blocks my vocal cords and his silhouette blurs.
“A beautiful life is not stumbled upon, Edward, it is built. You can’t skip chapters, you have to live through this experience to get to the life you so badly desire. To find the deep-seated happiness that you deserve.”
My eyes search his.
“Have you told Alora how you feel? Talked to her about your roadblocks?”
“Fuck no.”
“Why not?”
“What, tell her I can’t be in a relationship because she could fuck me up?”
“As I see it, not being in a relationship with her is the only thing that’s fucking you up.”
“And if I let myself love her and then something happens…. What then?”
“But if you don’t let yourself love her…something will happen.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“She will not wait forever, she will move on from you. Are you really prepared to watch her fall in love and then marry someone else? He then gets to have the life that you wanted. She has his children, she makes him happy…while you’re still stuck in the same old toxic patterns with women you don’t really want to be with.”
My eyes hold his.
“It sounds like a very mediocre existence, if you ask me.”
I begin to hear my heartbeat in my ears.
“Edward, in my experience, someone who overthinks love, is someone who over-feels it.”
A lump forms in my throat and I drag my eyes away from his.
“Wouldn’t it be wonderful to give that love to one woman and to have her love you with her whole heart in return?”
Emotion fills me and I drop my head to evade his gaze. “I need to go.”
“Please think about what we discussed today.”
“Goodbye.” I walk out of his office and straight past reception.
“Do you need another appointment, sir….” she calls after me.
I push through the doors without answering, I’m not coming back here again.
What a waste of my fucking time.
ALORA
“Hi, Dad.” I smile down the phone.
“How is my favorite girl?”
Hearing his voice makes me teary. “She’s good,” I whisper.
Don’t cry.
“What’s been happening?” I push out. “How did you do at the doctor’s for your yearly checkup?”
“Blood pressure is perfect.” He chats away and tells me all about his week and I smile as I listen, grateful that I don’t have to tell him about my week and the imminent heartbreak I’m about to go through. Like a ticking time bomb, I can feel it coming.
No missed calls
Dear Nel,
I love your suggestions and have attached a furnishing concept. I have some beautiful pieces on hold, let me know if you want to go ahead with them.
Have a great day,
Alora.
I hit send on the email, the plans for the hotel refurb in Paris are coming along nicely. We’ve finally locked in a color palette and I know it’s not Nel’s fault, but I really can’t help disliking her. Knowing that she likes Edward is like twisting a knife in my side. Who am I kidding, the entire female population likes Edward…. Ugh.