Total pages in book: 160
Estimated words: 164263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 821(@200wpm)___ 657(@250wpm)___ 548(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 821(@200wpm)___ 657(@250wpm)___ 548(@300wpm)
I need to be more like her, more…together. I want to make my mom proud, and thinking and feeling like this isn’t the way to do that. My eyes well with tears of disappointment.
As if sensing my current mental state, Dad’s arm slinks around my shoulder and he pulls me close and kisses my temple. “It’s okay,” he whispers. “It’s going to be okay.”
I nod through tears, the lump in my throat hurts as I try my hardest to hold everything in. “I know.” I force a smile.
And I do know.
I’m not the first girl to be confused, and it really isn’t that hard, or at least it shouldn’t be. But admitting to myself that maybe I’m not in love with Pascal is a hard pill to swallow.
Because I should be.
He’s a beautiful man who deserves so much better than being dragged over the coals and lied to. I’m disgusted that his girlfriend has a sexual attraction to a man that he hates. And no matter how much I want to deny it, and push it away, for the life of me I can’t stop thinking about Edward.
Mr. Doe.
He’s in my every waking thought, starring in my nightmares, and making me ache like never before. He’s haunting me…even though we have no future, even though he’s with someone else. If that fact alone isn’t the biggest red flag in history, I don’t know what is.
I fucked your mouth and I blew so fucking hard.
He has a girlfriend and he’s saying that to someone else. A woman he once slept with.
This isn’t a fairy tale of long-lost eternal love.
My relationship with Edward is nothing more than a carnal attraction that’s going to hurt people.
I look up at the stage with renewed determination, this stops now.
“Three cheers for River,” Malory, River’s housemate calls with a giant beer stein in her hand. The table erupts into laughter as they cheer.
As the night’s gone on, I feel better. This isn’t who I am and I’m not a victim here, and I don’t know why I’m acting like one. It’s time for me to pull on my big-girl panties and take control of the narrative.
“I’m just going to the ladies’,” I tell them as I push my chair out. I grab my purse and walk outside; I scroll through the numbers on my phone until I get to the one I’m looking for.
Mr. Doe
I hit call. Ring, ring…ring, ring.
EDWARD
Orange and red flickers across my face, the warmth of the flame matching the scotch as it goes down. I lift the crystal tumbler and take a long sip. It’s late and I’ve been sitting here for hours, staring into space.
Desperately trying to get a hold on this…attraction.
She’s all I fucking think about.
I drain my glass and fill it again; I add ice and it sloshes over the sides.
My phone lights up with the name:
Alora
She’s calling me, my heart picks up with anticipation. Instinctively, I reach for it before I stop myself midair, no.
Yes.
“Hello.”
“Edward, hi. It’s Alora.”
“I know who it is.”
“Right…umm.”
I wait on the line. “Yes,” I snap, impatient.
“I don’t think we should see each other again.”
“I agree. I’ve already donated the prize to the Royal Scholarship Institute,” I lie. “They will be in touch with you about the finer details moving forward.”
“Oh.” She listens for a beat as if unsure what to say.
Time’s up.
“Goodbye, Alora, it was nice seeing you again.” I hang up the phone and drag my eyes back to the fire.
ALORA
“A weekend with my favorite people on earth is just what I needed.” I smile as I hug River, Raylyn and then Dad.
“Love you, sweetheart.”
“Love you too, Dad.” I grip him just that bit harder.
Airport farewells are never fun.
With one long wave goodbye I make my way in through security with a spring in my step. This weekend really was just what I needed, being with my people is good for my soul and I don’t feel so alone.
Distance gave me perspective.
I walk out of the boarding gate feeling lighter and a deeper sense of who I am.
It’s time to face the music.
I don’t know much about things but I do know for certain that guilt is not for me and no matter who or what I’ve done, nothing is worth losing respect for myself over.
I’m going to talk to Pascal and lay everything out on the table, he couldn’t pick me up because he was working but he’s coming over tonight.
I wait for my luggage by the carousel as I go over the conversation in my head, a practiced speech that I think I’ve nailed. It’s all I’ve thought about for two days.
I may be a lot of things, but I am not a coward.
I’m not going to see Edward again and I feel so much better for it.
Now, it’s time for me.