Total pages in book: 167
Estimated words: 157162 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 786(@200wpm)___ 629(@250wpm)___ 524(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 157162 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 786(@200wpm)___ 629(@250wpm)___ 524(@300wpm)
Her eyes crinkled at the corners as she placed her hands on the counter. “How on earth could I be ashamed of you?”
I let out a snort. “I don’t know. You have a war hero for a son who is irritatingly obsessed with doing the right thing, risked his life for his country, and another daughter who popped out all these perfect grandchildren and is the epitome of a good mother and daughter. And then there’s me.” I sipped my coffee. “Who has none and will never have children to speak of. I’ve never done the right thing once in my life. I made my career and my life out of making the rich richer, knowing I’m the furthest thing from a hero a person could be.”
That was the truth I presented to the outside, and that wasn’t even the half of it. But even half of it sounded bad.
My mother did me the favor of digesting my words, knowing me well enough to discern that if she surged forward with platitudes, I was sure to respond with a knee-jerk reaction, shrugging them off.
She clicked her tongue, eyeing me. Her hair was dark like our entire family’s, though with liberal streaks of grey she was embracing. It suited her.
“Being a parent, being a mother, being your mother is the greatest thing I’ve ever done.” The wrinkles framing her eyes deepened with her grin. “But it’s the most painful thing too. I’ve watched you since you were born, Calliope. And from the second you came out, you were going to be who you were going to be. Strong. Stubborn. Not willing to take an ounce of shit.”
I smiled without humor since that wasn’t exactly a compliment.
“I have known that you will all face challenges and hurt, and that I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.” Her smiled remained, yet her eyes became glassy. “And watching the pain Rowan went through, worrying every day whether he would come home or not, was hell. Witnessing your sister lose children, suffer postpartum depression… I wanted to fix it all. But I couldn’t.”
She picked up a fork, toying with the quiche on her plate. Her gaze was haunted, the only sign of the scars she bore from her children’s pain.
“And those struggles are not nothing.” She looked up, blue eyes shining with love. “Yet I knew that I’d be the furthest from your pain and struggles, Calliope.” She rounded the counter, her direction clear, my entire body tensing in preparation as she came to stand in front of me.
“Because you’re so strong, because you wouldn’t let me in. I knew that you were destined for a complicated life because you have never wanted easy. You were destined for a kind of pain no mother wants for their child. And I see it.” She reached out and stroked my face. “I know you’ll never tell me what happened to you in New York, what made you come home, but I see it. The pain. Cut down to the bone.”
She cupped my chin in a gesture that made me feel like a child again. One who did indeed want to seek solace in her mother’s embrace, as though it could fix anything.
“My darling, I know that even if I beg, you will not give me the burden of knowing what happened to you.” Pain leeched through her whispered words, even though she didn’t know the source of it. “Although I long to take some of that weight from you, I trust you know how to carry it.” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “As for the thought that you shame me…”
She shook her head, letting my face go.
“I know you’re smart, smart enough to have given yourself watertight reasons to think you’ve caused me shame.” Her hawk-like gaze saw far too much. “And I know that you’ll dismiss me. But you are not an embarrassment. It’s that simple. You are a wonderful aunt, sibling, friend and daughter. And if you doubt that, look at the people who love you. From all walks of life, all smart cookies themselves, and all able to judge character pretty well, don’t you think?”
I knew where she was going with this, yet I thought about my friends and family who had quickly become my lifeline here.
My mother nodded as if she could read my mind. “I doubt any of those people would choose to have a person they considered to be an embarrassment into their homes, would trust them with their children.”
She let that land, dusting imaginary crumbs off her slacks. “That’s all I’m going to say on that. Except I love you. I’m immensely proud of the person you are. You are exactly who you are supposed to be. Trust that.” She glanced at her phone. “Oh, I’ve got to go pick up your niece. We’re going to collect seashells.” That time, she smiled a smile free from pain. A simple smile at the prospect of collecting seashells with Ava. My insides contracted, knowing that my time to give her simple smiles had come and gone.