Total pages in book: 167
Estimated words: 157162 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 786(@200wpm)___ 629(@250wpm)___ 524(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 157162 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 786(@200wpm)___ 629(@250wpm)___ 524(@300wpm)
“You being sick… It was the roundabout reason we met,” I explained. “Though I would take that away from you in a second, never knowing you or Elliot if it meant you didn’t have to be sick,” I added, meaning every word.
She was silent for a few seconds. “I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t take away being sick. Because I like you. A lot. I like having an aunt. I like Hannah. And it sucked being sick, but I got lollipops and got to read all the books I wanted. Plus, my daddy was always there. And Grandpa. And Uncle Elliot. I wouldn’t take it away.” Her hazel eyes peered up at me. “Even if I didn’t have all the good things that came from it, I still would make it through again for you, Aunt Loppie. So Uncle Elliot could have you. And so I could.”
I was not a crier. Not one bit. But fuck, if my eyes didn’t well up at the sincerity in her small voice.
“And you know Nora, and that means I get more cakes than before,” she added in a way that only a kid could.
I made a sound that was halfway between a laugh and a sob.
“I wouldn’t change anything I went through to get right here either, Clara,” I smoothed down her hair then dropped my lips to it, inhaling the smell of strawberry shampoo.
Then we lay there, looking at the stars until she went to sleep. I stayed there long after, until headlights softly illuminated her room, telling me I was safe to go back to Elliot with a grumpy Beau as a buffer.
There was the car ride home, but I got creative with my mouth during that, so Elliot did not complain one bit.
Then we got back to his place, and he got busy with his mouth in a way that didn’t allow for any conversation.
And by that point, I’d ensured I’d exhausted him to sleep. Though it stood to reason that I too should sleep, given the day ahead of me that would require all of my energy. Yet I couldn’t. I had to suck up Elliot’s soft, warm torso, catalog every hair, each freckle change in pigment. The angle of his nose, the slight crookedness that had come from a rogue soccer ball in high school. He’d never been in a fistfight.
His favorite dessert was lemon meringue pie. He liked science fiction novels and The Oprah Winfrey Show. His favorite smell was the ocean. “Or it was until I inhaled the scent of your cunt,” he’d told me, hands dipping there one night at dinner.
I recited all the facts, tidbits, idiosyncrasies about him as I watched the steady rise and fall of his chest.
“I love you too,” I whispered the words I’d never said out loud. “Which is why I’m doing what I’m doing.” Then I rested my head on his chest and forced myself to sleep.
Elliot left before dawn the next morning with nothing but a quick kiss goodbye and a carefree, content smile that singed my insides.
It was a good thing he was fishing that morning, I told myself. Gave me time to prepare. Then I pushed him, guilt and regret from my mind so I could make the necessary arrangements. There was no room for error; I couldn’t let my emotions cause me to make some stupid mistake.
Once I was certain I had everything I needed, I made the rounds. First, to the bakery for the caffeine I severely needed. I shot the shit with Tina, forcing myself to behave normally even though I didn’t miss the way she squinted at me and the frown she was directing my way instead of at the espresso machine like she regularly did.
She was too fucking soulful and wise for a biker chick hard-ass, and she saw too much. Luckily, she was also smart enough not to try to probe. Nora and Fiona were both working, Rowan appearing from the back with Henry strapped to his body, sleeping soundly. All of the children in the Jupiter crew spent the first months of their lives never being put down. Even for naps. Someone—more often than not their protective fathers—was always wearing them, driving them around, holding them in capable hands. It filled my heart to see children so loved.
To see the people I loved living lives they deserved. Though I wasn’t nuts enough to say any cryptic goodbye speeches. That was bound to set off my brother’s alarm. I joked and drank coffee before heading to Avery and Kane’s house where I was assaulted by their large dog and the toddler who was holding its tail like a lead.
More coffee. More shooting the shit, more saying goodbyes in my head to the friends I’d come to treasure.
Then back to Elliot’s, to the goodbye I’d have to say out loud. Because if I did achieve everything I intended to do that day, I would have a chance of coming back to Jupiter. And if I did achieve everything I intended to do that day, I would be far too tainted to be with Elliot. He deserved someone lighter. Maybe little Blondie at the bar would finally get her in.