Total pages in book: 184
Estimated words: 188108 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 941(@200wpm)___ 752(@250wpm)___ 627(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 188108 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 941(@200wpm)___ 752(@250wpm)___ 627(@300wpm)
“Three men to listen to you when you are worried or concerned or happy. To help you and support you and cheer you on,” Roman told her.
Her sweet Roman.
It killed something inside her when she thought about leaving him.
She really didn’t want to.
So maybe you need to make it so you don’t have to leave them. Why should you always sacrifice and lose?
Her breathing grew harsher and she worked on slowing it down.
“Little one?” Salem asked. “It’s all right. Hey, it’s okay.”
“She’s having a panic attack,” Alexei said.
“Here, hand her to me,” Salem said calmly.
She was shifted over onto Salem’s lap and his cedar and sandalwood scent surrounded her. “It’s all right, Little one. You’re fine. You’re not in this alone. We’re right here.”
But she still felt so alone. Because she couldn’t tell them the truth of what was really going on with her.
They could never know. They would never forgive her.
However, perhaps it was time to start thinking about an exit plan.
Her plan had always been to die . . . but that was changing.
“Tamsyn. Look at me,” Roman told her firmly.
She glanced up immediately, staring at Roman. When he used that tone, it was like she had to listen.
“That’s a good girl,” he praised her. “I want you to squeeze my hands. Really tight.”
She shook her head. What was wrong with her? Her head was spinning, and she felt so weird.
“Hey, no. Eyes on me. Squeeze my hands. Tell me five things you can see.”
What? Why would she do that?
“You’re having a panic attack, darling girl. Just listen to me.”
“Make her breathe properly,” Alexei said urgently. “She’s going to pass out. Tamsyn, breathe.”
She was trying. Didn’t he think that she wanted to breathe normally? It just didn’t seem to be happening. Her breaths continued to come in sharp pants. Her heart was racing.
This was awful.
She didn’t have panic attacks.
Pathetic.
Useless.
“She’s hurting herself. Stop that!” Alexei barked.
She glanced down at her hands.
Oh, she must have been digging her fingernails into her palms. She hadn’t even noticed. She had a high pain tolerance.
“Little one, don’t do that,” Salem ordered as Roman grabbed her hands again. “Do not hurt yourself.”
“Doesn’t . . . hurt . . .” she managed to get out.
“It’s still unacceptable,” Roman told her. “Now, listen to me. Five things. Right now.”
Sheesh.
So bossy. He had to be taking lessons from the other two. One, she could handle. Two, was pushing it. But three? She might not survive.
“You,” she said as he lightly squeezed her hands. “Alexei. Bird poo. Sofa. Ugly painting.”
Roman glanced behind him, then turned back with a grin. “You’re right. It is ugly. Four things you can hear.”
“Alexei breathing. Sounds like a train.”
“It does not!” Alexei complained.
“It does when you come up behind me. Or maybe an angry dragon. A bear?”
Her breathing was growing easier.
“Keep going,” Roman urged. “What else can you hear?”
“You. I can hear Salem breathe.”
“Bet his breathing sounds like a constipated badger,” Alexei grumbled.
A giggle escaped her and the tension in the room dropped by several notches.
“I can hear that annoying clock ticking on the wall.” She nodded over at the clock that often drove her insane.
“You don’t like that clock?” Roman asked. “I’ll get rid of it immediately.” He stood, sliding his hands free.
It must have been so hard for him to touch her, and he’d done it to help her.
“No, don’t,” she said, laughing. “You can’t get rid of it.”
“Why not?” he asked. “If you don’t like it, then it’s gone.”
“Just because I don’t like it?” she asked in amazement.
He crouched in front of her. “I want you to be comfortable here. I want you to think of this place as yours too.”
“Mine? No.” She shook her head. This was a lot and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it all.
“We’re not saying you have to move in tomorrow,” Salem told her, turning her in his lap so he could see her. He tilted her head back with his hand under her chin. “We’re just saying that we want you to feel safe here. To be comfortable. With this house and with us.”
“So say yes,” Alexei demanded.
“Alexei,” Salem said with a sigh.
“What?”
“You can’t just demand that she say yes.”
“Sure I can. I just did,” Alexei said.
“Yes, but it has to be her choice,” Roman said. “Perhaps she doesn’t want to be with three men.”
“Do you really think it could work? It’s not . . . people won’t like it.”
“Who cares what other people think?” Alexei said disparagingly. “I do not care. Do you?”
Well, she didn’t really. She glanced at Roman who just smiled, then up to Salem.
“The people I care most about are in this room.” Salem ran a finger down her cheek. “And that’s why I think this could work. Because we all care about each other and want each of us to be happy. Will it always be easy? No. But nothing worth having is. And we just have to lay down some rules and boundaries.”