Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 82415 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 412(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82415 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 412(@200wpm)___ 330(@250wpm)___ 275(@300wpm)
“Thanks. Let’s get this dinner finished up so we can eat.”
“Sounds good to me.” We were running, hiding from the awkwardness, from the sparks in the air that I felt when I was with him. That I wondered if Elijah could possibly feel too. But at least in this, in the denial, I was pretty sure we were on the same page.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Elijah
We didn’t talk about Danny or anything else important as we finished cooking. It was a much needed reprieve. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit there had been some shift inside me lately. It scared the hell out of me, to be honest.
When dinner was ready, we sat at Shaw’s small kitchen table to eat. He’d opened a bottle of wine, which I was probably drinking a little more quickly than I should. I was three glasses in before I started to get warm and felt a slight buzzing beneath my skin.
“You’re such a dude-bro,” I teased. I mean, he was sitting there eating dinner in basketball shorts and nothing else.
“Um…okay. That came out of nowhere.”
I forced my eyes away from his chest. Unfortunately, Shaw had a gorgeous body—golden skin, firm muscles but not too big. There was a small patch of dark hair between his pecs, something that had always done it for me. I didn’t like it when a guy shaved or waxed.
“Do you have a preference?” I found myself asking.
“In what?”
I shrugged, discomfort suddenly sitting heavy inside me. “You’re bi.”
“Oh, men or women? Nah, equal opportunity lover here. There are things I love about being with women, and things I love about being with men, and things I like individually about different people I’ve been with. Everyone is different.” He frowned. “Please don’t tell me you’re one of those people who think being bi means you can’t choose or don’t settle down. That has nothing to do with my lack of desire to get serious.”
“No, not at all. That wasn’t where I was going with that.” The truth was, I wanted to know more about him, but refused to let myself acknowledge why. “Is your family okay with it?”
He laughed uncomfortably. “Like I said before, my family is crazy. We weren’t those people who hung out with cousins and grandparents and all that, so I didn’t worry about losing people close to me. My mom and dad don’t care. They’re not what I would look to for an example of what parents should be, though. They’re toxic for each other, but they stay together. They’re either crazy about each other or hate each other. They have both cheated on each other too many times to count. Their whole relationship has been nothing but a never-ending roller coaster.”
Oh. That explained a lot. Suddenly Shaw’s insistence on not falling in love made a whole lot more sense. He was afraid. He hadn’t had a good example of what love could be. My heart softened like a warm chocolate-chip cookie.
“Nope. Don’t do that. I can see the wheels turning in your brain. Their drama isn’t why I like being single.”
“I wasn’t doing that.” Clearly, I was. “I believe you.”
Shaw rolled his eyes. “Your family? They’re cool, right? Aren’t they like, the Elijah and Danny cheering squad?” There was a slight sharpness to his voice. He really didn’t like Danny.
“They’re not Danny’s cheering squad. They love him, but they aren’t rooting for us to be together. My mama doesn’t think we should be, actually, but yeah, they’re good with it. Like I said, she’s always been in my corner. She’s my biggest supporter. It was a little harder for Dad. Not that he would have ever considered not accepting me. I just think…when he imagined having a son, I wasn’t what he saw. I think he hates the fact that sometimes he feels that way.”
“How is that for you?”
It was such a strange concept. There wasn’t an easy answer for it, not for me. “On the one hand, no one should ever have trouble accepting people for who they are. We shouldn’t want our loved ones to be someone else. On the other, there isn’t a doubt in my mind that he loves me, that he would do anything for me. That he wants me happy and whole and healthy more than he wishes I played football instead of dancing. And he does want me to fall in love, even though it will be with a man. He asks about boyfriends and stuff like that.” It could be better, and it could be a lot worse. Life was full of shades of gray.
Shaw nodded, and we were both quiet for a moment. I couldn’t help wishing I knew what he was thinking. He was hard to read in ways I didn’t think I was. He definitely didn’t let people in.