Total pages in book: 113
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 110113 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 551(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
It’s a classic case of damned if I do, damned if I don’t. No wonder our marriage didn’t last. Being Dan’s wife was like living in a cage.
Amazing how different I feel when I’m with Sawyer. I haven’t stopped thinking about our conversation at the park. It was fun and funny and real.
It was, in short, just what I needed.
Back in Austin, I’d felt so free when we were together. I could do no wrong. I didn’t have to babysit his feelings. Manage his expectations.
I just did what I wanted, and Sawyer didn’t mind that one bit.
In fact, he’d seemed to relish it. Same way he relished my honesty at the park. I hate feeling like I can’t be real with someone, especially about things like parenthood and family. My forthrightness used to embarrass Dan. He’d call me an oversharer and counsel me to be a little classier. A little quieter.
Somehow, I know Sawyer would hate me being quiet.
But that’s neither here nor there. Sawyer is a friend. A parent friend, the father of June’s new BFF. Sure, he’s sexy as hell. But that doesn’t mean we’ll ever have a repeat of Austin. Life is too good in Hartsville right now. I have no desire to rock the boat.
I grab my phone and hit Dan’s number, holding it up so Junie can see the screen.
He picks up and smiles. “Hey, June Bug!”
“Hey, Daddy,” she says.
“Today’s such a big day for you,” he replies. “Are you excited?”
“Yeah.”
His eyes cut to me. “Well, I wish I could be there. I’m so sorry to miss it.”
“Okay.” June glances out the window and tugs at her car seat straps.
I bite back a smile. “Junie, aren’t you excited?”
“Yes! Can we go now?”
It’s obvious Dan is trying to keep his annoyance in check. Rolling his lips between his teeth, he pastes on that smile again. “I tried to be there, Bug. I want you to know that. I’m really sad I’m not holding your hand right now.”
It’s all I can do not to roll my eyes. Dan’s attempts to guilt-trip me used to get me riled up, but now I just feel sorry for the guy. How insecure do you have to be to try to make the mother of your child feel bad at the expense of that child?
It’s no secret that June prefers me to him. I didn’t engineer it that way as some sort of evil master plan, the way Dan thinks I did. I just showed up for my daughter. I did the hard work of caretaking—the late-night feedings, the baths, the playtime—while Dan … didn’t. I told him time and time again that if he wanted June to bond with him, he had to participate more. He’d always promise to do better, try harder.
But he never did. Which is how we ended up separated when Junie turned one, and divorced when she was two.
“Bye, Daddy!” June says. “Mommy, can you please unbuckle me now?”
“Magic word?”
“Please please please!”
“Okay.” I angle the phone so I face the screen. “I’ll report back on how it goes.”
“Not like I can do anything about it if it doesn’t go well.”
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath. “All right, Dan. We’ll talk later.”
“Bye, Junie!” He waves, then hangs up.
Nice of him to ask how I’m doing.
Then again, what did I expect? Dan never asked about me when we were married.
Still, it’d be nice to have a little moral support here. Dan thinks I chose to go through this alone, but I didn’t. I’d love to have someone hold my hand right now.
I’d love to have someone at least try to make me feel better about the fact that I’m dropping my daughter off with strangers at a strange place for the first time.
I don’t have that someone. But I do have Junie. And I’m determined to make sure she has the best first day at school ever.
Together, she and I walk toward a door on the side of the building. Per the instructions sent to me in an email, this is the entrance for both of the threes classes. An older woman with short brown hair and kind eyes stands at the open door.
“Is this June?” she asks, her face creasing into a smile. “I’m Ms. Sherman. It’s so nice to meet you.”
I paste on a smile of my own, trying very hard not to cry when Junie gets shy all of a sudden and tucks herself against my legs.
“This is June, yes.” I run a hand over her back. “She’s so excited for her first day. Isn’t that right, Junie?”
She doesn’t say anything, but she does nod.
Am I making the right decision? I feel like she’s ready for school, but maybe starting in the middle of the year like this was a bad idea. She’s just been through so much change. Too much. To add school to the list—what was I thinking—