Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 100416 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100416 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
Keira froze. She couldn’t believe he’d just gone and said it aloud. They might not have overt enemies in the room, but that didn’t mean they were allies. Giving up this piece of information was as good as handing Carrigan and James the ammunition they needed to hurt him the most.
Kind of hard to doubt he loves me when he’s putting it out there in public like this.
For her part, Carrigan looked at him for a long moment and then huffed out a laugh. “Dmitri Romanov, in love. That can’t be a wholly comfortable feeling.”
“I’m getting used to it.” He shifted, letting his hand drop, and Keira slipped beneath his arm. Dmitri looked down at her and then back at Carrigan. “I understand better why you made the choice you did. If Keira was in danger, I wouldn’t let anything stand in my way to save her. Not an enemy, not a friend, not even breaking my word.”
It was a threat, but Carrigan laughed a little. “Yeah, I guess you do understand.”
“James.” Dmitri nodded at him. “Enjoy the reception.”
“Oh, we intend to.” Carrigan took James’s hand and they walked back to their table, pausing to talk to Cillian and Olivia as they did. Charlie and Aiden lounged at the same table, their heads bowed close to each other, in deep conversation. They were all here, all except Sloan. No one was fighting. No one was posturing or yelling or threatening to kidnap her for her own good.
Teague was naming his son Devlin.
It was an honor, but it didn’t change the fact that Devlin should be there. He should be alive and sitting in the middle of Cillian and Aiden and laughing alongside Olivia.
Pain flared, so strong it nearly took her to her knees. Keira gripped Dmitri’s arm tighter. She closed her eyes and let herself envision walking to the bar, taking a bottle, and retreating upstairs until she didn’t feel anything at all. She could imagine the cool glass against her palm, the bottle at her lips, the blessed numbness washing away everything.
But that was the problem. It washed away everything. The good. The bad. The unforgettable. The numbness didn’t care that there were memories she’d carved out with Dmitri she didn’t want to lose. It wouldn’t matter that she’d finally made some kind of peace with the fact that she’d never quite fit in with her family, but that didn’t make them love her less.
Keira opened her eyes, but the walls were still too close. Too stifling. “I need a break, Dima.”
To his credit, he didn’t hesitate. “Let’s go.” He took a step, using his body as a shield between her and the rest of the room, but his stride hitched.
She looked past him to see Aiden on his feet and starting toward them, concern lighting his green eyes. Desperation sank its claws into her. “I can’t, Dima. I can’t talk to him right now.” It didn’t matter if her brother was only going to ask her if she was okay. She had to get out of there. Right now.
“Go. I’ll speak to him.” He jerked his chin. “Pavel will stay with you.”
Because she wasn’t safe. Not even in their home.
Keira managed to nod, and then Pavel was there, shifting her away from Dmitri and walking her to the side door and out of the ballroom. She paused in the hallway, but her chest only tightened. “I need—”
“Outside.”
She started to say that wasn’t what she meant, but the thought of fresh air on her face had her hurrying to keep up with Pavel’s long strides. If she could just breathe, then she could think straight. They walked around the long way and out through the front door. Keira let go of Pavel the second her heels hit the sidewalk. Yes, this is what I need. She moved a few feet away from the door and leaned against the brick building. The cold snap of the air against her face helped clear her thoughts.
It would be too much to ask that I’d be able to spend time with my family without wanting to dive into a bottle.
It would get better. She refused to allow this goddamn addiction to get the best of her. It would become easier to see her family without the glaringly obvious missing part. Eventually, time would dull the pain of losing Devlin.
But that day wasn’t today.
Keira closed her eyes and concentrated on breathing slowly. She could hear Pavel shifting from foot to foot a short distance away, but she ignored him. It was cold—especially without a jacket—but she didn’t mind. She spoke without opening her eyes. “Just give me a few minutes and we’ll go back in.” Dmitri could hold Aiden off indefinitely, but he shouldn’t have to. She’d just take the time to get her barriers back in place, and then she’d walk back into that room and soldier through the rest of the night.