Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 117740 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 589(@200wpm)___ 471(@250wpm)___ 392(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 117740 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 589(@200wpm)___ 471(@250wpm)___ 392(@300wpm)
If I didn’t, I feared I might really go down for murder.
And I wasn’t that fond of a jail cell.
28
* * *
ROSE
A Little One-Upmanship
Isquinted at George. “I don’t trust you.”
He wiggled the chilli pepper at me. “Go on, just a little nibble.”
“I dunno.” I took a couple of steps back, just narrowly avoiding Hades. “Is this payback because Hades left a dead rat outside your shed this morning? I told you, he just thinks he’s helping you out being that humans are useless and all that.”
“No, no.” He waved his wrinkly hand. “I appreciate his efforts in the local rodent control. I just want you to try this! It’s my first chilli of the year!”
“I can see that,” I said warily. “Problem is, George, you didn’t label the bloody things. That could be anything from a jalapeno to something that’ll burn my tastebuds right off my tongue.”
“Why do you think I want you to try it instead of me?”
“For God’s sake, Uncle George.” Sabrina, his niece, said, unlatching his gate. “You said you were going to give Rose a break.”
“If only,” I said, waving to her sixteen-year-old daughter, Cara, who returned it with a jiggle of her plastic cup filled with something green. “He can’t even remember what he planted because he threw the packets away!”
“It was the end of them,” he grumbled, wiggling the chilli at me. “Go on, please. You’ll know what it is by taste. You’re a genius.”
“I’m not a chilli tester!” I argued. “Please stop wiggling it around. How did you even grow a chilli to look phallic? Your skills are unmatched.”
“It’s a gift.”
Cara peeked forwards at my words. “Oh, Uncle George, hold it out.”
He did so obediently, and she snapped a picture of it, giggling to herself as she quickly tapped at her phone screen.
It was good to see that some forms of teenage entertainment were timeless.
Then again, if it was only limited to teenagers, we wouldn’t have a whole conversation about his phallic veggies to begin with.
Apparently, penis humour transcended all ages.
“Rose, pleeeeease.”
“Oh, for God’s sake.” I stepped forwards and grabbed it out of his hand. I examined it, but I couldn’t tell what it was from looking alone. It was also that time of year that most chillis were ripening, so that didn’t even give me an indication.
If only the old fart had labelled the bloody things.
I squeezed my eyes shut and bit into the end of it before I could change my mind. I chewed it quickly, but not quickly enough.
Heat exploded in my mouth, and I screamed, both spitting out and dropping the chilli.
“Hot! Hot! Hot!” I shouted, jumping on the spot and sticking my tongue out, doing the ha-ha-ha breathing thing as if it would stop my fucking tastebuds from turning in on themselves because holyshitIwasabouttodieIwasgoingtodie.
George’s eyes widened in shock, and I screamed again.
“Milk!” Sabrina said. “Good God, Uncle George! What are you growing in there?”
“If I knew, she wouldn’t have needed to bite into it for me,” he said smartly, shuffling off towards his shed.
“Here.” Cara shoved her weird green drink at me. “Try this.”
I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t care what it was. I just needed this burning to fucking stop before I died.
Because I was dying, there was no doubt about it.
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I sucked up her weird green drink. An ice-cold, almost grassy flavour instantly cooled my mouth, and I desperately sucked on the straw like my life depended on it.
Oh.
What was this delightful little treat?
After a few minutes and crunching half the ice left in the bottom of the now-empty plastic cup, I looked in her direction. “What is this?”
She raised her eyebrows. “An iced matcha latte. You’ve never had one before?”
“No! This is the greatest thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.” And there’d been some questionable things in there. “How do I get this?”
Both mother and daughter burst out laughing. “You’re feeling better, then,” Sabrina said, pulling some tissues out of her bag. “Here, wipe your face.”
“Ugh, thank you.” I almost gave the empty cup back to Cara before I paused and said a quick, “I owe you one of these. The coffee shop on the corner, right?”
She nodded.
“I’ll pay for one next time I’m in there. Actually, I might pay for ten. I might never drink anything else again. Do you think it’s acceptable to put vodka in this?”
“I told you there was a tea out there for you, Rose!” Susan said triumphantly, joining the fray. “You just hadn’t found it yet, and here you are, finding it!”
I looked at the cup, doing my best to ignore the sting in my mouth courtesy of George’s bloody chilli pepper. “This is tea? But she said it was a latte.”
“Matcha is ground green tea,” Sabrina explained. “It’s just called a latte because it’s made a similar way to it—for your coffee-loving heart, it’s mostly milk with a shot of matcha.”