Total pages in book: 117
Estimated words: 108362 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 542(@200wpm)___ 433(@250wpm)___ 361(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 108362 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 542(@200wpm)___ 433(@250wpm)___ 361(@300wpm)
He made a concerted effort to flatten his mouth again. “So, I remembered what you said about the complaining being some kind of a sex thing.”
My eyes bugged. “Jace!”
“I started telling them about our old biology teacher, Mr McIntyre, and how he used to wear trousers a size too large with no belt. He’d hitch them up at the start of class, then slowly over the hour, they’d start to slip down until eventually we could all see his crack.”
“Yes, I remember Mr McIntyre. How he never got fired was beyond me.”
“So, in the beginning, we all thought he was just oblivious or too cheap to buy a belt and the right-sized trousers. Then, over time, we realised he did it on purpose and was getting some kind of sick thrill out of a classroom full of teenagers having to look at his backside.”
“Why on earth did my neighbours need to know this story, Jace?” I asked, growing impatient.
“Correlation,” he replied, clasping his hands together. “I inferred that their complaining might be similar to Mr McIntyre’s loose trousers schtick. I kindly suggested that if pestering their neighbours was what turned them on, there were role playing groups they could join where they could act out whatever fantasy they liked. That way, they wouldn’t need to involve the poor, unsuspecting young mother next door in their kink.”
I stepped back and lowered onto the third step of the stairs, filled with a mixture of mortification, horror, and okay, just a tiny smidge of amusement. Maybe more than a smidge. My hands covered my face as I let what he’d just said sink in, then I stood back up and pointed a finger at him.
“You are the absolute worst!”
When he saw that I was clearly holding in a laugh, his lips began doing their twitching smile again.
“Ah, come on, those two had it coming.”
“I can’t believe …” I trailed off, struggling to hold in a giggle, “That you actually said that. How did they react?”
“The husband started shouting the odds, and the wife looked so embarrassed I thought she might keel over. Then the husband told me I was disgusting and vile to even suggest such a thing before they both stormed back into their house.”
Wow. Just wow. I wasn’t sure if Jace’s actions were going to make Viola and Gary back off for good or if they would become much, much worse. It could go either way.
“Admit it, it’s funny,” Jace cajoled as he stepped closer and poked me in the stomach.
I batted his hand away. “I will not.”
“Go on, let it out, baby. I love your laugh.”
Battling down my amusement, I managed to plaster on a blank expression. “You’re not as hilarious as you think you are.”
“It was pretty funny,” came another voice, and I realised Margie was standing in the kitchen doorway watching us. She raised her hands. “Sorry for eavesdropping, but Jace is right. Your neighbours had it coming.”
I scowled at her before moving away from Jace and going to make him his morning coffee. I always made it for him now, and he always drank it. I didn’t explore too deeply why that pleased me.
Quietly handing him the reusable mug, which might as well belong to him at this point, I picked up my phone and saw that Margie had been busy sending messages to five different men while I’d been dealing with Jace. Not only that, three of the five had already responded. I looked to her, wide-eyed, and she shot me a little grin and a wink that said, Don’t thank me.
I did not have the headspace to chat with five different potential suitors. Seriously, between her and Jace, everyone was pissing me off this morning.
Setting my phone down, I exhaled heavily for what felt like the millionth time in the last ten minutes before I finally was calm enough to address Jace. “If my neighbours ever approach you again, can you please just not insinuate that they’re sexual deviants?”
He smiled widely, and I forgot how much he loved to challenge me. It was like the more uptight I became, the more he wanted to push my buttons.
“I can’t make any promises.”
“Don’t stress about it,” Margie put in. “Those two needed putting in their place, and you’re far too polite to do it.”
“Thank you, Margie,” Jace said, and they grinned at one another while tapping their coffee mugs together in a cheers.
“Judas,” I complained, narrowing my gaze at my friend, but Margie only chuckled, unbothered. “I’m going to check on Zara,” I said and left the room. There was only so much I could take of my ex-husband and my best friend getting along so well.
***
Later that morning, things got worse when I ran into Dean at the office. Normally, our paths didn’t cross as I was a developer, and he worked with the client relations team. It was true that I hadn’t had a boyfriend since my divorce, nor had I dated, but I did have one ill-advised encounter with a colleague after the annual Christmas party.