Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 101872 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 509(@200wpm)___ 407(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101872 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 509(@200wpm)___ 407(@250wpm)___ 340(@300wpm)
Huh?
What was she trying to ask? He didn’t understand.
“What do you mean?” Was she confused? Forgetful? Shit, he should call Jenna.
“Why’re you calling me Opal?” she asked. “Is it because I’m too much work? Because I wouldn’t open up with you? Is that why you’re walking away? I get it. I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. But I thought I was yours. At least, a little bit.”
Anger filled him. He remembered her saying that before.
“Fucking hate tea,” he told her.
Her good eye flared open, sadness filling her face.
“But you . . . you’re exactly my cup of coffee. When I’m around you, you pick me up. You make me feel like I’m buzzing. The world seems different. It’s not so gray. It’s not so dull. It’s not coming at me through a filter. I’m living it with you. Because you give me something to live for, to wake up for in the morning.”
“I do that for you?”
He reached for her, then drew back. One, he wasn’t sure where to touch her without hurting her. Two, he didn’t want her to flinch away from him again.
The very last thing he wanted was for her to fear him.
“Yeah, you do.”
“Then why are you leaving? Why won’t you touch me? Why won’t you call me baby or Gem?”
He blinked. “Is that what you meant when you asked why are you Opal?”
She nodded, then winced.
“Careful, I don’t want you hurting yourself. You need to go back to bed.”
“Is it because I’m ugly now?” she whispered.
Oh, fuck no.
“Ugly!” he yelled.
She jumped.
Calm.
Shit.
You can do this. Softly. Softly.
“You could not under any circumstance be ugly,” he told her quietly. “You’re the most beautiful, sexy, strongest woman I’ve ever met. You call yourself ugly and we’re going to have trouble, you and me. None of what happened is in any way your fault, understand me?”
“I hear you,” she whispered hoarsely, drawing closer. “But what happened to me wasn’t your fault, either.”
“I should have been with you. I nearly lost you.”
Like I lost them.
“You can’t be with me all the time.”
“Can damn well try.”
She shook her head and winced. Fuck. He needed to get her back to bed so she could rest.
“What happened to your team wasn’t on you. No one could have predicted their deaths. And no one had any idea about Barney, not even Mrs. G. So how could you know? And you take care of me in all the ways that matter.”
“I scared you, I made you flinch away from me. You were afraid of me,” he said starkly.
She stared at him for a long moment. “I try to ignore his voice calling me a slut, telling me that I’m ugly and dumb. But sometimes I struggle. When you moved your hand like that . . . it wasn’t you I was seeing and it wasn’t Barney.”
Fuck.
Suddenly, she turned away and he could sense her retreating again.
No.
His heart raced. What was he doing? “Gem, please look at me.”
She turned to him, her eyes wet with tears.
And he took the plunge. Because he realized that walking away right now was the wrong play.
What she needed was someone to fight for her. So, for better or worse, he was going to be the one to fight for her.
“I thought you were dead, baby. And I knew that if you were, I was dead too.”
“No, no.” Tears dripped down her poor, swollen face.
“Give it to me, baby. Give it all to me. Tell me what happened to you and I’m not talking about Barney. I know you think that the worst is gonna happen. That you’ll open up and lay everything on me and I’ll fall down, I’ll collapse under the pressure. But I’m made of tougher stuff than that. You can trust me.”
She shook her head, a sob breaking free.
“I can see you’ve got a lot of emotion trapped inside of you. It’s not healthy. I’m your person, Gem. Tell me.”
“You don’t want all of me!” she cried.
He kept his relief hidden, but he did let out a small sigh. Thank fuck she was opening up. That poison had to come out.
“I do.”
“You don’t!”
“Gem, you can argue with me until we’re both blue in the face, but I fucking want it all. And you know I am not a man who lies.”
She heaved for breath. Once. Twice.
“How can you want it when it will contaminate you?” she cried.
His head reared back as though she had slapped him.
“Contaminate me?” he said hoarsely.
“Yes, contaminate you! I will contaminate you. Because what is inside me . . . it’s ugly and it’s dirty and it’s horrible and I do not want it touching you.”
35
Renard shook his head.
He’d sensed that she’d been hiding shit behind the façade she presented to the world.
But he’d had no idea it was this bad.
And that was killing him.