Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 76319 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 305(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76319 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 305(@250wpm)___ 254(@300wpm)
The music surrounds me, swirls like a living thing against my skin, but even as much as I want it to, it doesn’t settle inside of me the way I need it to. It isn’t threatening to take over, to become the escape I need like it normally does.
Shaking out my arms, I feel a heated sense of awareness, the odd sense that someone’s watching me. The thrill of having someone’s attention lights my skin on fire.
I imagine the danger of it, that the electric charge is coming from someone dangerous, someone who’s willing to hurt me, to take what they need. My heart pounds in my chest, the rhythm not too different from the beat of the music swirling around the party.
I don’t open my eyes to search the crowd because it will only lead to disappointment. I never find what I truly need because this is a college party not far from campus in a one-horse town, not some dangerous rave deep in the belly of an abandoned building.
“Hey.”
I growl deep in my chest at the interruption but calm myself before opening my eyes to the man who thought now of all times would be a great time to interrupt me.
“More?” Blaine asks, holding up the matte-black flask.
His smile is wide, unassuming. He’s handsome by all standards, a real catch if he were the type of man I was attracted to.
I take the flask, lifting it to my lips.
Ayla would warn me against the glint in his eyes. She’d tell me to be cautious of any man pushing me to get drunk, but this isn’t the first time I’ve been in this situation with Blaine. Despite the fact that he’s a senior to my freshman, his end goal is taking care of me at the end of the night as if his chivalry would make me more likely to want to date him.
He wouldn’t have the stomach for doing what I desire most. He’d have more of a chance with me if he did.
My nose scrunches as the alcohol burns its way down my throat. I hate the taste, but know it’s just part of it if I want to get where it eventually takes me.
Blaine’s smile is bright and hopeful, his body moving to the music as he waits for me to have my fill of the whiskey in his flask. He’s classically handsome with blond hair and bright unassuming eyes. A real catch honestly if I were attracted to the boy next door who doesn’t have an ounce of mischief in his body. Providing this liquor to a minor will probably be the scintillating tale he’ll try to avoid when telling stories later in life, with his equally perfect wife and their equally perfect two-point-three kids.
I wish I found the guy attractive. It would make my life much easier. It would make the disappointment that seems to follow me around non-existent.
Wanting to get away from Ayla because she was smothering me ended up being the worst decision possible. I hate it here. I hate the perfection everyone seems to carry around with them. I hate the white-toothed smiles and the control everyone seems to have. I hate the excuses everyone uses to keep from going wild because they have practice the next day or an exam coming up.
I hate my parents for dying and I hate my sister for stepping into the role of parent so seamlessly. I hate that I feel like the only one who struggles with knowing how my life will end up.
“Are you having a good time?” Blaine asks, his smile still wide even when I hand him back an empty flask.
“The best!” I lie with mock enthusiasm.
Disappointment swirls deeper when he grins, not catching the sarcasm in my voice.
I scan the room, my body still moving to the music despite this need inside of me to leave. It’ll pass—that desperation for danger. I just need to give the alcohol enough time to work.
Landon and his husband, Rick, friends of Blaine, stand across the room, looking just as bored as I feel. I see the questions in their eyes as they also scan the room. I can tell they’re wondering why they even showed up at a college party in the first place. Landon, the guy who Blaine described as a hell of a baseball player, looks even less impressed. I was told during our introductions that he’s in the Marine Corps and on break before getting his first set of orders. It seems as if he’s realizing he should’ve decided to go anywhere but here.
I make a mental note to never come back to campus. I refuse to be the girl who graduates and comes back as if I need to relive my glory days. I can only pray these are far from my glory days. If they are, what a damned shamed.