Total pages in book: 98
Estimated words: 90972 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 455(@200wpm)___ 364(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90972 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 455(@200wpm)___ 364(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
“Something sweet and flowery,” I explain as best as I can.
“My shampoo has lavender in it. That’s probably what you are smelling.”
I don’t really care what it's called. I just know it’s my new favorite scent.
“Tell me something about yourself,” I ask, almost desperate to know everything about her. With each new piece of information, I feel the connection between us growing.
“Mmm… Christmas is my favorite holiday,” she offers. “I don’t like the cold weather around that time but I just love the atmosphere. It makes me remember being a kid and how magical everything was back then.”
I try to recall the last time I felt that kind of childlike wonder, but it’s been so long ago, I can't recall it.
“Do you guys decorate the whole house and everything?”
“We put up a few decorations and usually get a small tree, but we never put up any lights. I think my dad just doesn’t want to spend the money. However, my parents would drive us around the rich neighborhoods and let us look at their lights,” she says like she is recalling a fond memory. “What about you? Do you have a favorite holiday?”
“Not really. I haven't celebrated one in a really long time,” I reveal.
“How come?”
“After my mom died, we just stopped.” I remember how disappointed I was when there was no tree and no presents. I asked my dad about it once and never again. I learned my lesson the first time around.
“Maybe we can celebrate together this year,” she offers, filling my head with thoughts of us being together in the future.
“We could rent a cabin. Something with a fireplace. I would string lights all around it, and we would get a big tree.” The more I think about it the better I like this idea.
“Could we play Christmas music all day?”
“All day,” I confirm. As long as it makes her happy, I’ll listen to whatever she wants to.
It’s scary how much that matters to me now. Her happiness has become important to me. The feeling of caring about someone like this is foreign to me, but I crave more of it.
We talk like this for a long time. She tells me more about her brother, about her childhood, all her favorite things, her fear of spiders, and her dream of visiting Italy one day.
I tell her about the few fond memories I had from my childhood, and how I’ve been friends with the guys since middle school. I talk about the crazy parties Carter used to throw and how he is dating his stepsister now.
Our conversation goes on for most of the night. We cover everything from music to ice cream flavors. I memorize every little detail, soaking in everything she is willing to share.
I’m not sure what time it is, but my eyes are heavy, and Tamson hasn’t said anything in a few minutes. I’m fairly certain she is asleep, and I know I should do the same, but I don’t want this night to end. I want to stay in this bubble we have created.
I fight sleep for another few minutes, and when I finally let darkness take hold of me, it’s with the hope that tomorrow morning she’ll still be in my arms.
Chapter 24
Tamson
I think I could get used to this pretending stuff.
It’s dangerous. Don’t go too far. I squeeze my eyes shut, forcing those thoughts far away after waking up in Kellen’s strong arms. Not now. Let me have this for now. I don’t think it’s too much to ask, lying here in Kellen’s arms, pretending we started off differently than we did. Tricking myself into believing we’re a normal couple.
The memory of us brainstorming over made-up scenarios makes me smile. He is such a different person when it’s just the two of us. He’s funny, sweet, creative, thoughtful. He could make some girl an ideal boyfriend.
It’s just a shame that girl can’t be me.
I hate that I have to think that now, when all I want is to marinate in the warmth and satisfaction. Maybe it makes me greedy. Maybe I deserve a little greediness after missing out on so much. I mean, life can’t always be grim and bleak, right? I deserve this. I deserve to feel good.
And I want to keep feeling good. My heart flutters when an idea slips into my thoughts like smoke sneaking beneath a door. How would I start? He’ll probably laugh at me. I’ll be clumsy, won’t I? Awkward. What if he wouldn’t want to do it?
I guess there’s only one way to find out. I know how good I can feel when we’re together like this. I want that now. I want to feel everything.
He’s on his back, making it easy for me to slowly get up and kneel above him. “What are you doing?” he asks with a sleepy grin, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Funny, but I’ll never get tired of watching him do ordinary things like that.