Total pages in book: 37
Estimated words: 35197 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 176(@200wpm)___ 141(@250wpm)___ 117(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 35197 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 176(@200wpm)___ 141(@250wpm)___ 117(@300wpm)
I should tuck her into bed and keep her safe while she sleeps, like a good man.
Nighttime is here, though.
I know what’s coming.
I’m all worked up with the hunger to fuck and I’m going to be trapped in a nightmare, as soon as I close my eyes. Some nights, I don’t have them, but I’ve started to sense when they’re coming, like garden snakes slithering up the back of my neck. The combination of physical need and mental desperation isn’t going to be healthy around July.
I should leave.
But I’ll hurt her feelings all over again. She thinks if I stay, she’ll help me, but she can’t. My mental scars are exactly that. Scars. They’re permanent. Can’t be swept away or smoothed out, no matter how incredible she is.
July makes a sleepy sound in my lap and my entire body starts to beat ominously, every fiber of my being longing to lay her down, climb on top of her and press down on her until we’re one. Until I don’t know where she ends and I begin, her goodness soaking into my skin, easing my constant agitation and uncertainty. I want to lock us together and throw away the goddamn key.
I want to get her pregnant.
OH FUCK. YES. THAT’S WHAT I NEED.
My head tips back, breath shuddering out in the direction of the ceiling. I turn her gently as possible in my lap so she’s facing sideways, starting to shake when her ass twists in a half revolution on my erection, scalding come dribbling into my briefs. Oh shit. She never put her panties back on from earlier. Unzipping my pants would be so easy. Just work myself right in for a nice, hot blast. No protection.
“You’re a fucking animal,” I mouth to the quiet room, wrestling back my sickness.
I want to be good for her. How do I do that when all my sexual frustration is channeled straight into her? I can’t even jerk off to ease the sting of arousal. My cock wants July’s presence, touch or nothing. Her pussy or nothing.
I’m not sure how much longer I can wait.
Vowing to be the man she deserves, I stand up with her in my arms and carry her toward the bedroom, gently laying her on one side of the mattress. Covering her with a blanket, I stare down at her beautiful, curled up form for several minutes, before I carefully join her on the mattress. On the other side, where I hopefully don’t reach for her in the throes of a nightmare, my hands suddenly turned into weapons.
But despite my prayers, that’s exactly what happens.
I close my eyes briefly and open them to a red haze. An early morning firefight. I’ve been here before, and it ends with tortured screams of grown men. It ends with the realization that there’s no way out. No way home. The only way to make it to the next day is kill more people. Survive. Keep my bones and blood inside my body. Dust singes the insides of my throat, my eyes burning from the heat, the grit that never leaves the air.
A barrage of gunfire erupts, and I reach for a weapon, but there’s nothing.
Why am I wearing jeans?
“What are the fucking orders?” I shout, hoarse. “Which direction—”
“Theo?”
It’s the softest, sweetest voice and it doesn’t belong here. Oh God, no. It’s July. I brought her into battle with me. No, no, no. I need to put her somewhere she won’t be vulnerable to a flying bullet or an explosive. There’s nowhere like that out here, though, and I can’t see her. Can’t find her in the haze of smoke.
“July!”
“I’m here. You’re in my bedroom, Theo.” Her touch ghosts over my chest, her fingertips caressing the sides of my face. “It’s okay.”
“It’s a trick.”
“No—”
I pounce on top of her July, covering her with my body, a hand clapped over her mouth. “Keep your voice down while I figure out where to put you. There’s a safe house, but I can’t see it. I don’t know which direction we came from…”
Her arms wrap around me. Tight. Is she scared?
She must be terrified. This place makes mincemeat out of grown men.
“Theo,” she says, turning her head to escape the muffle of my hand. “You’re having a nightmare.”
“Please, please, baby, be quiet.”
“We’re not in danger, I promise.”
“It’s a trick,” I say again, my voice pleading now for her understanding. Doesn’t she know one false move could get her killed? “You’re never safe here.”
“Theo—”
“What would I do if something happened to you?” I snap into her neck, because, Jesus Christ, her smooth skin is like a siren calling to me in the middle of a dust storm. She’s the only pure thing for a million miles. The light at the end of a hellish tunnel. I suck on the soft skin of her neck and drag that suction up to her ear, becoming more and more aware of her tits mashed to my chest, the way she molds to my hard muscles, like she was made just for me. I’m in the cradle of her thighs, and fuck, this is no time for a long, heavy ache to form between my legs, but the heaven of her is so tempting when all a man knows is hell. She’s salvation.