Total pages in book: 28
Estimated words: 26061 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 130(@200wpm)___ 104(@250wpm)___ 87(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 26061 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 130(@200wpm)___ 104(@250wpm)___ 87(@300wpm)
“Jenna—”
“You have a kid—a wonderful daughter. You have a profession you love,” I heave tearfully. “And you would hate Los Angeles. There are some good things about it, but there are also a lot of people like my manager. Especially in my world. My schedule is hectic and grueling. Maybe…” Pain invades my throat. “Maybe in another life a relationship between us could have been an incredible thing because when I said I love you, I meant it. But part of love is recognizing what’s best for someone and making sure they get it. You taught me that. You taught me a lot of things in only a couple of days, and I’m going to take those lessons with me. I’m going to stand up for myself more. I’m going to—”
“Jenna.”
“What?”
While I was giving my impassioned speech, he’s been fixing his clothing. Now, he patiently and calmly stoops forward long enough to pull my bathing suit bottoms back into place. Once he’s satisfied that the red garment is arranged correctly, he frames my jaw, tilting my head back. “Are you done?”
“Am I done what?”
“Are you done pretending we could walk away from each other and be happy?”
My eyes flood with tears and spill over. “I’ve learned how to live without being happy.”
“And now you’re going to unlearn that shit, baby.”
I shake my head stubbornly. “Not at the cost of your happiness.”
He seems to be imploring the heavens for calm. “Jenna, I have been many things throughout my life, but foolish was never one of them. That’s what I would have to be to let you go.” He picks me up in his arms, and I cling because my heart demands I do so, locking my legs around his hips and nuzzling his now-familiar neck. “I could come to Los Angeles. I could be the brick wall that keeps any bullshit from touching you. I could take you home every night. Share that home. Take care of you, the way you deserve.”
“I can take care of myself,” I murmur faintly.
“I know you can. Look how far you’ve gotten on your own. You’re a marvel.” He bundles me closer. “But even a marvel, especially my marvel, needs to come home and let her man do the soothing. Are you going to give me that responsibility, Jenna?”
“I…don’t know.”
Without looking at his face, I know his temple is ticking. “Do you want to?”
“If I say yes, you’ll feel obligated to rearrange your whole life,” I hiccup into his neck. “I’ll feel guilty every single day, wondering if you regret doing it.”
“God almighty, Jenna, you blow my mind. It’s like you have no idea what a fucking treasure you are.” He shakes me, kisses me hard on the temple. “You are a treasure. You think moving to Los Angeles is a steep price to pay for a woman like you? I’d fight endless wars on the front lines for a chance to love you forever. I’d climb a million miles of barbed wire fences to watch the sunrise with you in my bed again. I’ve won, just by knowing you. Ask me to come to LA and be part of your life.” He pauses for a deep breath. “But I need you to ask me, because I…”
“What?” I sniff.
“Hell, baby, I’ll never be worthy of you. I’ll never be as good-looking as one of your co-stars. I’m older and beat up—”
“No, you’re not! You’re powerful and sexy and real.”
He’s shaking his head—and now I’m panicking. “When you were sitting on my lap in that makeup chair, you saw the differences in us. So did everyone else. You’re worried about me regretting you?” A humorless laugh puffs from his mouth. “It would be just the opposite. Ask me to come to LA, Jenna. Save me from feeling like the chainsaw-wielding beast kidnapping the stranded beauty. Ask me and I’ll come. I want to. I’m just…fuck. I’m losing confidence that you want me there.”
No.
I’m stuck.
I’ve trapped myself in a corner.
In trying to set Penn free, I’ve caused him to second guess how I feel about him. Which is the absolute last thing I want. I don’t want to leave him doubting that every second of our time together was authentic. This bond is the realest thing I’ve ever experienced. Maybe I’m the one lacking in confidence that I can make him happy enough to love LA. Maybe if we’d just had a few more days together, I’d be selfish enough in our love to move mountains for a shot with him. Maybe maybe maybe.
My chest weighs a thousand pounds when I reach up and stroke the sides of his face. “You saved me so many times over the past couple of days. You’ve demanded respect for me and shown me what true selflessness looks like. But I’m going to go.” That last word emerges on a sob. “I’ll think of you constantly. I’ll miss you like I’m dying. But I have to go.” I go up on my toes and kiss his mouth hard. “Goodbye, Penn Holland.”