Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 113130 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 566(@200wpm)___ 453(@250wpm)___ 377(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 113130 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 566(@200wpm)___ 453(@250wpm)___ 377(@300wpm)
“Oh my God,” he pants, his face ashen white as he pants and places his hands on the counter in front of him on the side. “I thought you left.” He looks at me and then toward the row of cakes. “Having a little sweet treat, I see.” He smiles and then hangs his head.
“It’s called eating one’s feelings,” I snap at him, putting the carton of milk down. “What are you doing back so soon?”
“I want to continue our conversation,” he says and I roll my eyes.
“No,” I reply and then see the look on his face.
“Ari,” he says my name in a whisper.
“I’m not having this conversation with you if you are going to just walk out again.” My voice rises. “Or else I’m the one leaving this time,” I threaten him.
“I’m not going to walk out again,” he assures me in a whisper, and I push away from the counter and get on my feet.
“Fine.” I fold my arms over my chest. “Let’s get this over with, then, shall we?” The two bites of cake I just had are swooshing in my stomach.
“I don’t want to get this over with,” he mumbles, and I shake my head. “I’m so scared, Ariella.” He runs his hands through his hair and his voice is broken, his shoulders hang down in defeat and I want to go to him, but we need to hash this out first. Maybe his voice is broken because he doesn’t know how to end this.
“Jaxon,” I say his name as he looks up at me and I see the tears in his eyes. “You don’t have to do this,” I say, giving him the easy way out, even though I know I’m hurting myself more. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.” I swallow down the lump that has started off small and now feels like a golf ball in the middle of my throat. “I won’t use our baby as a pawn. You don’t have to be scared. I won’t ever keep the baby from you.”
“That is not what I’m scared of,” he refutes and I roll my eyes.
“I am going to try and get it all out, and I’m going to ask that you don’t interrupt me because I feel like I’m going to forget something, and then it’ll be too late.” He turns to the side and starts to walk back and forth, pacing.
“Fine,” I agree, “and then after, will I have the chance to do the same?” He nods his head at me; even if he tells me this is over, I don’t think I can tell him how I feel about him. But then again, he deserves to know, regardless of how he feels.
“I was so scared you would hate me,” he starts and I’m about to take a step forward when he holds up his hand. “I felt so guilty for what happened, you have no idea, it literally ate at me. Then after that, the fear crept into my head and took over. The fear that you would leave me. The fear that I wouldn’t have you or the baby, the fear that this whole thing that we have would be over and I would be shattered to my core because of it.”
“It’s not your fault,” I quickly say, even though I know I’m not supposed to say anything, and he gives me a look. “I just want you to know that I don’t blame you. You can proceed.”
“Thank you.” He nods his head. “I like having you with me.” I smile and then look down at my feet. “No, scratch that. I love having you with me. I love waking up with you and I most definitely love going to bed with you.” I can’t help but giggle at that. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re forced to be here just because we’re having a baby.”
“I don’t want you to feel like you’re forced to be here just because we’re having a baby?” I repeat back, interrupting him again. “Whatever.” I raise my hands. “I know, I get to talk after.”
“Before I found out about what she did, I was going to tell you how I felt about you,” he explains and my chest pounds, “but then I didn’t want you to think I was only saying it because of what happened.”
“So you say nothing instead,” I hiss at him. “You say things like ‘I can’t do this’ and ‘I never wanted this.’” The tears just roll down my cheeks. “You say things that make me think you want out of this.” My voice goes higher. “You say and do things that make me second-guess everything.” I can’t stop talking, but I do when he takes a step toward me. The anguish on his face makes me speechless.