Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 112884 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112884 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 564(@200wpm)___ 452(@250wpm)___ 376(@300wpm)
I put the bottle on the side table before placing his chest on mine, his head resting on my shoulder, as I gently tap his back. “All I need is a burp from you and we can both go to sleep.” I rub his back in a circle before going back to tapping it. It takes him a couple of minutes, between tapping and rubbing, for him to give me a burp before I’m able to stand up and walk him back over to the crib. “Now I’m going to place you down, and you are going to either wake and then drift off or you will just still be sleeping,” I say, placing him gently on his back, trying not to wake him. I slowly disengage from him, stopping mid-movement when he jerks his arms. When my arms are fully out from under him, I look in the crib, seeing him on his back with his hands by the side of his head. “Sleep tight, angel,” I tell him and turn to walk over and turn off the night-light, before turning on the sound machine and tiptoeing out of the room and closing the door halfway behind me.
Making my way back to my bedroom and sliding into the bed, I look out of the window at the darkness. It’s been three months since I left Trent. Three months of being free from him, but at the same time still feeling the pull to him. Guilty for leaving him and then unsure that I did the right thing. He didn’t think I had really left him, but then he came home and saw I was gone.
He blew up my phone, but at that point I was in New York at my parents’ house. I ignored his calls until I finally caved and answered him. “Lexi,” he said with so much anger in his voice, it felt like his whole body was shaking, “what the fuck is going on?”
“I think it’s pretty much self-explanatory, don’t you think?” I sat in the middle of my bed. My legs pulled to my chest, my arms wrapped around them. “I left you, Trent.”
“I want you to get your ass back here right now!” he screamed. “I’m not kidding with you, Lexi. You let those people come into my house!” he roared.
“Those people?” I asked him, knowing he probably checked the Ring cam as soon as I called him. A Ring cam that I wasn’t given the code to because it didn’t matter to me. I shouldn’t bother myself with it. His words, of course, and probably because I would be able to see when he would actually get home, or maybe he was sneaking out more times than I knew about. “You mean my parents.”
“Lexi,” he hissed, “get your ass back home now.”
“Why?” I asked him the question instead of giving in to his demands like I usually did.
“Excuse me?” His tone had gone down.
“Why do you want me to come back?” I repeated the question.
“Be careful,” he threatened. I don’t know if it was because I was past the point of being exhausted or I was just happy to be rid of him, but I let out a laugh. “This isn’t funny, Lexi.”
“It is, actually,” I replied. “It’s funny that it took me this long, don’t you think?” I didn’t wait for him to answer. “I should have left you the first time I found out you cheated on me.”
“Is this what this is all about,” he huffed out, “because you found out I spent the night with Tatum?” I wish it would have hurt hearing that, but deep down I knew he never stopped being unfaithful. “I ended things with her this morning. I want to focus on us.”
“You want to focus on us?” I said, hoping he could hear the venom in my voice. “You’re a little too late for that, don’t you think?”
“It’s not too late. We can do the couples counseling you wanted to do. Then we can finally try for a baby. It’s about time, don’t you think? It’s been ten years.”
“I’m not going to couples counseling with you.” The bitter taste hung in my mouth. “And I am definitely never having a child with you.” I sighed deeply. “I’ll have my lawyer contact you in the next couple of days.”
“Don’t do this, Lexi,” he said, his voice back to being tight. “I would hate for you to do something and then regret it. Don’t you think this has gone on long enough?”
“I do,” I agreed with him, “way too long. Goodbye, Trent.” I hung up the phone and blocked his number.
A lone tear escapes from the side of my eye and rolls onto the pillow. The confusion about leaving him always hits me at night when the quietness comes. He’s made me feel so reliant on him and his thoughts that I second-guess myself. It’s at these times I have to think about what my therapist has said from the beginning. You are rebuilding your life starting at step one. Step one is me not second-guessing myself because there are no wrong ways to live my life. Her words repeat in my head as I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.