Total pages in book: 117
Estimated words: 111676 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 558(@200wpm)___ 447(@250wpm)___ 372(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 111676 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 558(@200wpm)___ 447(@250wpm)___ 372(@300wpm)
At the thought of Wolf and his criminal wisdom, my mood soured. You’re not my charity case anymore… Days later, it still stung. I’d tried to convince myself that his words were no more than a whisper from a ghost. But that was the thing about lying to myself. Deep down, I knew the truth. And it hurt. A lot.
Cassie had just finished my toes when my phone rang in my hand, pausing the video.
My stomach sank when I saw my mom’s name flash across the screen. Partly because it felt like she somehow knew what I was doing, but mainly, it was rarely good news when she called these days. Every time she called, she sounded upset—understandably—and I got horrible anxiety. I felt ashamed of myself for not wanting to talk to her, for wishing she wouldn’t burden me with more bad news.
“I’ll leave you to it,” Cassie said, then took her cereal back to her room. And there it was, the break-up playlist.
Wailing lyrics hummed through the apartment as I answered the call.
“Hey, Mom. Is Dad okay?” It was always the first thing I asked. Like I wanted to get it out of the way and either justify my tightening chest or ease it.
“He’s the same, honey.” Because they couldn’t afford the tests to diagnose him properly.
“Okay. Good.” It wasn’t good, it just wasn’t bad. “Are you okay?”
“Yes. You won’t believe what happened today. An anonymous donor paid off some of our mortgage debt.” Her voice broke. “So, we won’t lose the house.”
I smiled at the relief in her voice. “That’s so great, Mom.” For one more month at least…
“I just know it was the church. You know Marleen, the lady who does the free aerobics club there? She did a fundraiser in Barrington last week.” The rich town nestled next to Dayton. “A whole five hours on a spin bike.”
“A spin bike?”
“People sponsored her. You know, for the church charity?”
“Yeah, I know, I just….” Not like a spin bike was worth giving someone money for. Although maybe five hours of it was.
“I never thought she’d raise that much, though. Isn’t that kind of her, honey?” I wanted to tell her that Marleen and her spin bike hadn’t done crap. But not like I could say, Oh, by the way, Mom, I stole and sold drugs to get it. Because God—and my mother—knew, I wasn’t getting that money legally.
“So kind.” I was even fake smiling.
“She was the one who told me about that soup diet. You know the one I told you about?”
I let out a long sigh. “Yep, I remember.” How could I possibly forget that one hundred percent serious suggestion that I consume only cabbage soup and apple cider vinegar for a week?
“Have you tried it yet? I lost five pounds.” My mom had never been bigger than a size four, but heaven forbid the woman not fit in her high school cheerleading uniform at the age of forty-five.
“Yeah because you starved yourself.”
“You’d probably get rid of those ten pounds you want to lose.” The ten pounds she wanted me to lose… That familiar feeling of shame crept over me, of not being good enough. “I keep telling you, you could be so beautiful if you just tried a little.”
I’d heard my entire life how I could have been Miss Dayton, just like her, if only I’d lose weight and have fewer “curves.” If only I’d make some effort. I knew it didn’t come from a bad place, more like fear that I wouldn’t fit into the world without a perfect body and beauty. There went my moment of levity.
Normally, I’d be able to fight off the feeling of worthlessness with a good pep talk. I love and accept myself. Yeah, that wasn’t going to work today, either. Not when one ex had cheated on me, and the other had called me a charity case.
A knock on the door had me breathing a sigh of relief. It was the perfect excuse to end the call before I said something unkind to her. She had enough on her plate, and I knew that, in her mind, those ten pounds would bring me unparalleled joy.
“Someone’s at the door, Mom. I have to go.”
“Oh, okay. I love you, honey.”
“Love you, too.” I hung up, set my phone on the coffee table, and went to answer the door.
The bang came over the door again, harder this time. It was probably Miss Peggy from downstairs. She always locked herself out and asked us to pick the lock for her. Honestly, all it took was a student ID card, which was concerning considering she didn’t have a chain on the door. Then again, no burglar could contend with her six feral cats. They were worse than any pit bull.
Cassie’s music grew louder, “Single Ladies” blaring from her room. I guessed she wasn’t playing burglar today then. If that asshole ginger cat scratched me again…