Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 75289 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 376(@200wpm)___ 301(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75289 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 376(@200wpm)___ 301(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
I never forget that Warrick doesn’t need to worry about money. It just seems so strange to me that it constantly blows my mind.
I sprawl across my bed, the AC blasting into the pool house and chilling it off to just the right temperature. Warrick likes the house a few degrees colder than I prefer it, but it’s not like I’d ever go and find and try to hijack his thermostat. I just throw on a sweater if I need one.
I reach for my tablet and turn it on. Granny has an identical one. We got them for Christmas last year. It’s a miracle that mine made it through Reginaldgate.
Thoughts of Reg set my teeth on edge, so I focus on what I’m doing, opening the app and calling Granny’s number.
I wait as it rings. It rings through again and then disconnects. I call back three more times just to make sure she’s really not there. She could be doing anything. It’s the middle of the day, but chances are she’s trying to figure out how to answer the call.
My hunch proves correct when the screen flashes and then goes black. I can’t see anything, but I can hear Granny in the background.
“What in the devil—fargery hellish beast thing—Irene! Irene! Come here! You know how to work these blasted, confounded, cursed contraptions! I can’t get the screen to work. It keeps flashing a call, but I can’t see anything.”
A disembodied voice joins Granny’s. “I think it’s supposed to be like that.”
“What’s that now? I tried that! Blast it and bottoms!”
“Hand it over. I can’t see what I’m doing when it’s upside down. There. Yup. Got it.”
The screen cuts in. I wave at Irene, who has curlers in her hair and a bright red silk scarf over them. She waves back, the world spins, and then Granny’s face centers on the screen. My wave becomes so enthusiastic that it’s a miracle my hand doesn’t snap right off.
“Oh, thank you and tarnation! Amalphia? Are you there?”
“Hey, Granny, I’m here.”
She can clearly see that I am indeed here. She grins and pats her stark white hair. “I got highlights. Can you see?” She flashes the tablet up at an alarming rate. It’s like warp speed, but when she lowers it, I do catch sight of the lovely blue and pink streaks.
“Oh my gosh! I love it!” I gush.
“Are you going to come visit soon?”
“I want to. I mean, yes. I’m going to come soon. I’m so sorry that I’ve been busy. It just took a while to settle in, and then Warrick got so sick. I miss you guys.”
“I miss you too, Malphie Ralphie.” Granny frowns. “Is he okay? What kind of sick?”
“The ralphing kind, which oddly, I just realized my nickname resembles.” I shudder. “He’s okay, though. He went back to work today. It was a nasty bug.”
“I hope you don’t get it.”
“I hope so too. Immune system, so far so good.”
“Are you bringing your millionaire man meat with you when you visit?”
“Granny! What?” My tablet falls to the bed, and I hurry to pick it back up, nearly spilling the coconut water. I guess that’s why the carton has a little spout cap on it.
“You heard me.”
“It’s a little more than that.” I raise my thumb in the air. If she’s going to say things like that, she should get the net worth correct. She’s just playing, and I’m playing right along. What else can you do when you have a granny who doesn’t believe in filters?
“Ooh, bring your zany zillionaire zaddy with you then. I’m requesting it. I need to give him the drill about dating my granddaughter.”
I groan. “I’m officially filing this conversation under you can’t tell her anything.”
“Don’t use air quotes with me. I’ll give you air quotes.”
She mirrors mine directly into the screen.
I sigh, shifting on the bed to set the tablet against the wall so I can uncap the coconut water and sip it. “We’re not dating, Granny. He’s not my man.”
“Pssshaw!” Granny waves her hand right into the camera, making it look six times larger than her head. Also, at light speed. “You can’t tell me that’s not the reason you’re calling. I know you’ve come to your old Gran for advice. I also know you. You’re old-timey about things like this. You like to lose your heart first before you bang.”
“Granny!” It’s official. I called her for this punishment, but now I’m about to stroke out.
“Okay, I’m sorry.”
Irene’s voice cuts in again. I don’t think she’s been sitting there the whole time, and there meaning the lounge area or games room and not Granny’s room, but I can hear her in the background now. “Who’s banging who?”
“My granddaughter is banging her millionaire, billionaire, trillionaire, zillionaire boss. He’s her ex’s dad too.”
“Oh, Mylanta!”
Oh, myfuckinglanta is right.