Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 81375 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81375 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
“I love this place,” I protest, though I’m not sure what I’m protesting about. It just needs to be said.
“That’s good. I’m glad you’ve been inspired here and that you have fond memories.”
“They’re more than fond!” I exclaim.
“I don’t want to ruin anything for you. I should have listened to you about marketing, a new website, social media engagement, and all your other ideas. Instead, I sent you off on a fool’s errand. I sent you because the truth is, I was too scared to go myself. I’ve always been too scared. I don’t want to say I wasted my life. I’ve loved my time here, even if what I wanted deep down was different. Anyway, I’ve made some sort of peace with that.”
I have no idea how to process the fact that my dad is basically telling me he’s spent all this time feeling like this, all while he’s almost parroting back my thoughts about wanting to go to culinary school and not go into business, word for word.
He turns to Luca again. I search their faces, my eyes bouncing from one to another frantically, but Luca remains shut down while my dad looks tormented. “The one thing I never could make right was how you left, Luca. I understood you had to go, and I reacted badly. There was this part of me that hoped you’d stay. When you were here, everything felt vibrant. Your hunger and your passion ignited me. Stealing your energy wasn’t right. I wanted a fraction of it for myself.”
“It’s not a crime to borrow inspiration.” Luca might look neutral, but his voice isn’t okay. “I never felt like you stole anything from me.”
“I regretted my words and actions more than you leaving.” I’ve never seen my dad break down fully before. He’s not a large man, but he’s definitely not small either. It rattles me, watching him tremble like this. I’ve known for a long time that my parents aren’t infallible, but parts of me still have a childlike view of them as being stronger than they are. I know they don’t have all the answers, but there’s obviously so much I have no idea about, and neither do they. “It would have been such a small thing to call you and apologize, but the longer time went on…”
“The harder it was, until it became next to impossible,” Luca fills in when Dad’s voice gets too thick. “I felt the same way.”
“I should have called you after your accident. Even if you didn’t want to talk to me, it would have been the right thing to do.”
Luca sighs. He whips off the hairnet and unties the apron, but he doesn’t set it aside. Instead, he puts the net in the pocket and folds the apron into an immaculate square before placing it on the prep counter. “I probably would have taken it the wrong way. It’s better that I’ve had time.”
“It wasn’t a fool’s errand,” I blurt out, unable to keep quiet any longer. I never thought I had a knack for saying the exact wrong thing before. It kind of sucks, proving myself wrong.
Luca freezes.
I know now isn’t the right time, but will any time be right? Will it ever be perfect? In the spirit of sharing and being honest down to the very bottom of our hearts, I need to speak my truth. Will he forgive me? Because this is his truth too. “Luca and I… we found an emotional connection we weren’t expecting.”
“What do you mean?” Mom’s gaze shoots straight to my dad, searching and beseeching, but it’s my hand she returns the favor to, squeezing so tight that it loses some feeling.
“I know we live in different cities, but we’d like to figure out a way to keep in contact and… and get to know each other better.” Spade, meet my mouth, meet the giant hole I’m digging myself into.
For the love of pies.
This goes beyond love of pies. It goes beyond any for the love of I can even think to make.
“You mean dating?” Dad wheezes. “You want to date someone twice your age?”
“Each other?” Mom clarifies, her face whipping around so fast between the three of us that she’s blurry.
Luca doesn’t brace himself. He doesn’t gear up for war. He actually softens, and it’s disarming to me. My parents have the same reaction. Some of the tension hisses away, releasing into the atmosphere as spent breath and an averted crisis.
“I mean dating. And yes, I do. All of us in this room know what regret means. We’ve lived it. I’m okay with giving you both time to process this, but I’m as clear on this and as serious as I’ve ever been about anything.”
Luca doesn’t need me to champion him. He’s so beautiful, standing there, stripped down and honest, right on the verge of every emotion he knew and some that he didn’t. They’re all rushing through me as well. I finally understand the meaning of a beautiful mess. Maybe I should have waited. I could have picked a different time and called it better, but I wanted this time. I wanted this moment. I don’t want him to walk out the door and not have any idea that I would choose him over fear and over making my parents comfortable. Discomfort is necessary for growth.