Total pages in book: 148
Estimated words: 143870 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 719(@200wpm)___ 575(@250wpm)___ 480(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 143870 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 719(@200wpm)___ 575(@250wpm)___ 480(@300wpm)
“Soon,” he answers vaguely.
I’m pretty sure he’s waiting to be certain I won’t have a panic attack when he goes.
I force myself to meet his gaze, wondering if I should just tell him right now. But it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing you should blurt out right before someone’s about to leave.
I’ve been trying to find the courage to break the pregnancy news for the last three weeks, and I’ve been failing miserably. Every time I think I might actually get the words out, they end up lodged in my throat.
I know he’ll be happy, and I’m sure it won’t come as a surprise, but there’s no denying how this raises the stakes considerably. Once I tell him, everything will change. We’ll be tied together in a permanent way, and as patient as he’s been with me, it can’t last forever. He’ll want to know who he’s having a baby with. But there’s still a huge part of me that’s terrified of his rejection.
It didn’t really hit me until Mariella printed out my sonogram pictures and I saw our baby for the first time. I had no idea how many emotions it would bring up in me.
I was so young when my mother died, I felt her absence my entire life. Now that I’m going to be a mother myself, I can only imagine how much fear she must have had that I’d be left alone without her. It’s why she gave me the music box, and a way out, even if she couldn’t come with me.
There are so many uncertainties about how Cristian will react to the truth I’ve been hiding. And while I know he would never hurt me, there’s every chance he could still end up hating me.
That singular thought has been playing inside my head like a broken record for so long, it’s become the demon I can’t slay.
I’ve survived a lot in my life, but I’m not sure I can survive losing him.
It’s been at the forefront of my mind every day, and like most of my fears, it’s all too happy to feed itself. So I find convenient excuses, like the hunt for Elias, or the fact that Cristian is busy with work, or that there never seems to be a perfect moment. And every time I give myself a new timeline, the goalpost changes.
I’ve made two attempts at surprising him with the news. The first was having Nonna help me make Cristian’s favorite cake. He appreciated it a little too much, because I could barely get a word out before he had me bent over the counter.
I also had the genius idea of waiting for him completely naked with only a feather fan for cover—on which I’d written the baby news inside.
That night turned into a marathon, and by the time we came up for air, I couldn’t keep my eyes open.
I can’t keep getting stuck in this spiral, so I make a promise to myself that it will have to be tonight.
“Do you know what time you’ll be home?” I ask him.
It doesn’t escape me that he caught me calling it home, and I’m not exactly sure when that cemented itself in my mind. But if the warmth in his gaze is any indication, he seems to like it.
“I should be back by dinnertime,” he says. “But I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”
“Thank you,” I murmur.
He leans down, lips ghosting over mine. “Call me if you need anything.”
I nod, and he gives me a long, languid kiss that I never want to end. Judging by the way he sighs when he pulls away, he feels the same.
“I’ll see you soon, gattina.”
“Come back to me,” I whisper.
“Always.”
With one last lingering touch, he leaves, and I press a palm to my empty chest.
He’s taking my heart with him.
“I feel like I was much better prepared last time.” Abella takes stock of the things we’ve laid out on the bed. “But the baby brain is so real right now, I’m regretting not making an actual list.”
“Well, that’s why I’m here to help,” I assure her. “Let’s start with toiletries.”
“I think I’ve got everything,” she says, but it sounds like more of a question.
I scan the things she’s prepared for her hospital bag, mentally going through the items I’d take with me to Black Velvet.
“Oh, what about hair ties and makeup wipes?”
“Good call.” She wanders into the bathroom and returns a second later, tossing them into the pile.
“You’re all set on comfortable clothes?”
“Yes, I think so. Comfortable being the key word.” She smiles. “With the first one I wanted to be new mom chic. This time, all I care about is being cozy.”
I smile and sit on the bed to help her fold the clothes. But when I glance down at one of the baby outfits, I’m hit by a wave of emotion.