Total pages in book: 63
Estimated words: 62569 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 313(@200wpm)___ 250(@250wpm)___ 209(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62569 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 313(@200wpm)___ 250(@250wpm)___ 209(@300wpm)
“I can’t tell if you’re trying to make me feel better or just lying your ass off.”
“I’m serious.” I washed my hands and reached for her shoulders, something I rarely did—touch her. “I’m too tired to make a sandwich, and you shouldn’t be on your feet. So we lie to Ivan, we steal pictures off Pinterest if we have to—and we order pizza instead, deal?”
“We take it to our graves.” Tears filled her eyes.
I frowned. “What? Is something—” I dropped my hands.
She quickly reached for them and held them.
I didn’t know what to do other than hold hers back.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For everything, for what I said all those months ago before Lily was born. I’ve told you a million times but it’s like it never gets through and I—I’m just, I miss you. I’d rather you hate me and show me every day than get this version of you. I’d rather you throw things and get angry than just exist next to me.”
I leaned in. “What about you, miss perfect? I’m fine, the world is beautiful, I’m a miracle.” I smirked.
She glared. Hard. “I am a fucking miracle, you ass.”
“Did I say you weren’t?”
“Fine! I’m exhausted, but I just I want you to be happy, so I keep thinking if I just do a little more then you’ll be happy.”
“Did I ever once say that or did your guilt say that? Just asking.”
“You don’t act normal!”
“Because…” I licked my lips and tried to think of what I could say that wouldn’t hurt me—or her—again. Then I just said it. “I’ll be an adult. I’ll communicate. Words hurt, no matter how pretty the face is that delivers them. You can’t blame me for being careful just like I can’t blame you for overcompensating and saying things are fine when you put salt in your coffee mug yesterday.”
“Saw that?”
“Yup.”
She lowered her head. “I’ll try not to overcompensate and stop using the word miracle and be more bitchy, happy?”
“Thrilled.”
“And?”
“I’ll try to hate you just a little bit more.” I nodded. “And I’ll start yelling at you for leaving your makeup out all the time on the counter and staining the porcelain sink.”
“For the last time…” She clenched her teeth. “I’d put my makeup away if I could see in the damn bathroom and not run into the open drawers you refuse to close because you’re afraid to wake up the baby.”
“Are we fighting?” I asked.
“No.” She pulled me close to her. “Can we order pizza now and watch more documentaries about all the food we shouldn’t be eating?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’ll order the pizza.” I turned to grab my phone but she pulled me back and hugged me.
My entire body tensed and then relaxed as I wrapped my arms around her.
My soul told me it meant nothing, that a hug was a hug.
My heart, however, screamed. “Starving.”
For more.
25
RAVEN
The end of the road, or maybe, just the beginning.
Iloved him.
I fell in love with him before the day I saw his phone, I just didn’t want to admit it; it felt like betrayal. His love crept up on me in a way I wasn’t prepared for. I hadn’t healed yet. It was no excuse, though. Not at all.
I expected things to be better when I woke up from the coma, when I had my family, when he saw the apology I asked Ivan to set out for him, only to find out that in the chaos Ivan never did.
So I just resorted to my default settings, to doing everything I could to show him that I cared, and all he did was keep me at arm’s length. If he gave me one more polite smile I was going to scream.
Then again, I wasn’t any better. I hated the word miracle at this point. Detested it.
But it still felt like we had this chasm between us. I wanted to make a move, but the timing always felt off. I didn’t want to come across as insincere, so I tried to spend time with him, but he gave me space.
Too much freaking space.
And when he didn’t give me space, he was sending me out to get my nails done or to get a massage.
It was like he was trying to get rid of me by way of overflowing gifts. I wasn’t’ complaining, I really wasn’t. I loved it, but I would take pizza on the couch any night, because it was with him.
The doorbell rang. “Shit!”
“We told them to knock!” Ace hissed.
I scrambled toward the door and nearly tripped on my own feet and jerked open the door just as the doorbell went off again, followed by crying.
The delivery guy took a picture of the pizza. “Oh hey, here’s your pizza. Have a good night.”
I almost chased him to his car.
Instead, hunger won out. I grabbed the pizza off the chair next to the door and went back inside the house while Ace came out with Lily on his chest. “She already went back to sleep but I’m going to hold her a bit.”