Total pages in book: 260
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
It comes to me in that moment, what my father wants. It’s the reason he’s not hitting me. Because he knows I’m about to do something important. I don’t want to though. I don’t want this. I hold the gun tightly, then grip it with two hands.
“I- I-” I stammer. I can’t do this. I’m not like him.
“You will do it, or I’ll untie him and let him beat you to death,” my father sneers. My blood runs cold, and I finally swallow the spiked lump that has formed in my throat.
“I’m ready,” I say in a voice I don’t recognize.
Ten years old. My father puts a hand on my shoulder. His fingers dig in as he squeezes.
“Do it,” he says.
I pull the trigger without thinking anything more. Bang! The man’s skull explodes in a shower of blood. The sound, the feel, and the sight of the man, hung over and limp in the chair haunted me for years. But not the next man, or the next that my father had me kill. I don’t even remember them.
* * *
I hate him for what he made me, but at the same time, I’m also glad for what he made me. I can take lives so easily now. They mean nothing to me. That first time was difficult, but it was also surprisingly easy.
One pull of the trigger, and it all ends. I’m safe, and the world is rid of a man who needed to die. The darkness inside of me needs this. It craves the rush and the thrill of a hunt and a kill, and if I go too long without a job I find that darkness coming up to the surface in the form of memories. Too much of my past still haunts me. I just need to focus on the present. On the next kill.
Duke returns with the ball. I crouch down and pat his shoulder, just now noticing how the sky has darkened and the air has turned bitter cold. “Good boy,” I say softly. I relax as Duke nudges me, bringing me back to the present. “Next time, just rip off his nuts.”
Duke licks my hand as I grin, pick up the ball, and throw it. He barks as he runs off, leaving me alone with the dilemma at hand.
My father wants me to at least hear what they have to say, and I can do that. I’ll listen, because I owe him that much. But I can’t imagine how they could change my mind on this one. Not when this hit could spark the largest mafia war in the history of the whole fucking city.
Chapter 2
Grace
* * *
Knock, knock. The hard pounding on my bedroom door forces my eyes open. I don’t shake or shudder, and I don’t flinch when the door opens without a response from me. I’m used to it now. My breathing comes in carefully, each movement calculated.
The door creaks and then shuts with a loud bang as I rise and blink the sleep from my eyes. I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep, but it doesn’t matter. It’s not like I have anything else to do, or anywhere to go.
I restrain myself from stretching and sit up on the edge of my bed, my hands clasped in my lap as I watch my father walk toward me. I'm used to this, but my heart still races with fear. Everything else I can control, but not my heart. No matter how much I want it to remain calm, it always beats harder and tries to escape up my throat whenever he comes to get me. I never know what to expect, but I know how to behave. I’ve learned the hard way, but now I know how to survive. That’s all I do… survive.
If I was a boy, it wouldn’t be like this. But I’m a disappointment. A reminder of my mother, and how she betrayed him. That’s all I am. He never fails to make sure I know it.
“You need to do something for me,” he says in a lowered voice. It holds the edge of a threat when he talks to me. It’s always there, like he’s waiting for me to give him a reason to strike me. Unless Uncle Toni’s in the room. Just the thought of my godfather makes my heart calm slightly. He can’t kill me with my uncle still around. My mother, yes, but not me. Uncle Toni would never allow it.
My father may be the Don of the Rossi familia, but everyone knows my uncle Toni calls the shots. They all look to him with respect, and they’re loyal to him… not to my father. The very thought almost wills me to smile, but I’m not that foolish.
“The Romanos are up to something.” I stare straight ahead, my neck stiff as he talks.