Total pages in book: 260
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
I know how much she’s wanted to go to college and how excited she is to start her new life. Part of me actually considered leaving to stay with her, at her suggestion a few months back when she got her acceptance letter in the spring. But … I don’t think my life is anything to dismiss, either. My job at the flower shop is a good one, I love it even. I have a kind boss and reasonable hours and I enjoy putting the orders together. It’s meaningful, what I do, even if it is small. It’s just not college. Lydia going off to college feels like another world away.
In reality, it’s only a two-hour ride on the train. I know which ticket to buy to visit her and how long it’ll take to get there. I even know some of the places we can check out when I visit. We mapped it all out over a bottle of wine when we checked out the campus together. In all honesty, I’ve never been so thrilled for her. Lydia’s eyes were so bright when she took in the buildings.
With my fork halfway in the air, I cock a brow and ask with a smirk, “You sure you have to leave me all alone down here?”
She’s drinking wine with her takeout—we both are. I’m not drunk, but I feel the effects of the alcohol. Maybe that’s why I’m only thinking of Cill every five minutes. I’m aware it’s every five minutes because I can’t stop checking the clock. He texted me when he’d be home.
He said your place, rather than home.
I’ll be at your place around seven.
It’s six forty-five now.
With the cabernet sinking in sip by sip, I’m less nervous and more excited than I’ve been all day. Warm. A little bit calmer. Lydia takes another swallow of hers.
“I’m not leaving you alone.” She glances toward the stairs. “Am I?”
I can’t think of what to say to Lydia, so I grab the wine instead. I’m anxious with the thought of him in the house. Anxious, and attracted. Another sip down and I shrug, licking the sweet liquid from my lower lip.
All my feelings for him came back in a rush with that simple text message. Thinking of him in that guest bedroom made it damn hard to settle down at night. I’m not the kind of girl who tosses and turns over things she can’t control, but Cill? He’s like a thunderstorm. I never know when he might break apart.
My gaze flicks to the clock again as I lean forward in anticipation. Shoving the food away, I can’t eat anymore with these butterflies.
He wants me. I don’t know everything and I have to tell him what happened. But the man I’ve always loved wants me and there’s still something there.
My only worry is that once I tell him what happened, or once he finds out, he’ll never look at me the same. But last night, that look he gave me …
“How did it go last night?” Lydia asks, bringing my attention back to her although she’s focused elsewhere. She’s watching out the window again.
“Not a peep from him after I showed him the room, and when I got up … he was gone.” I rub under my still sore eyes. I’m exhausted, but there’s not a chance in hell I’m going to bed until I see him.
“You sleep at all?”
“Not at all.” I can barely manage a fake smile. I don’t count those hours when I was half dreaming close to the morning. That wasn’t restful sleep.
“Kat,” she says, her tone scolding. “You have to rest. You can’t start losing sleep over—”
“I’ll be all right. Just getting used to things. It was the first night.” And I didn’t know it was coming. All things considered, things could have gone a lot worse. Cill’s back home and he’s safe. I was safe in my house. No one tried to break in. If losing a night of sleep is the worst that happens, I’ll be counting my blessings.
“You know,” Lydia says, “you are the one in control here. If you don’t want him here, you tell him that. He can find somewhere else to go.”
“I know.”
I understand the worry that lingers in her eyes. I do. I get it. But it’s Cill. And if there’s something there still, how could I possibly let that go?
I took it upon myself to be independent so that I’d never be caught off guard the way I was that night at the clubhouse. No one would ever throw my life into disarray again. But I know, right away, that I won’t kick Cill out of my house and I won’t say no if he wants me. I don’t think I have that in me. Even if he is turning my emotions a bit upside down.