Total pages in book: 260
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
I take a peek up to look at him, and his expression tells me everything I already knew. He doesn’t remember a damn thing, and he won’t believe me. All the time we spent together, none of it exists for him.
I hold the tears back as Toby rests his head in my lap. His warmth is so at odds with the bitter coldness that surrounds me.
“Are you alright?” he asks me, and my heart sinks even further.
“You don’t remember me, but I’m not lying to you, John.” I steady my breath. “I’m not crazy,” I tell him and as the words slip out, I feel as though I am. I’m beyond sane at least.
“We never knew each other. The first time I saw you...” John starts, but doesn’t finish his sentence. I wait, holding my breath and hoping for something, but also fearing it.
Please remember me. Please, John. I need you.
“You ripped it right out of the ground,” I tell him, brushing beneath my nose with my forearm and not giving a damn about it. “And put it right to your lips.” A smile forces its way to my lips and a laugh bubbles up. “I thought you were eating it,” I tell him.
Silence greets me, and this time I don’t look up to gauge his reaction. I let my body sway with Toby.
“I’m not the only one who’s hurt, John. Neither is Jay.” I whisper the words and half expect him to ask how it relates to Jay. Part of me hopes he will, but he doesn’t.
Finally, he says, “I don’t remember any of that.”
“It’s okay,” I say and smile weakly. “I mean, I wish you did. I really wish you knew how much you meant to me.”
“Then leave with me?” John asks.
“Will you listen if I…” I can’t finish. He won’t believe me, or worse, it’ll push him farther away.
“Robin, whatever Jay told you-”
I shake my head and close my eyes. “This isn’t something he told me, John.” My voice is hard and unforgiving.
“I love you, John. You don’t remember me, but I think you love me, too,” I tell him, exposing everything I’m most afraid of. “Just don’t leave me. Not yet. Not until I can tell you everything.”
Chapter 23
Robin
I’m not used to waiting this long. I pick at my nails, wondering if I’ve ruined everything. Wondering if I should try to find him. I wish there were a clock in here. Something. Anything to fill up the silence.
My eyes drift back to the only constant in the room. The camera that’s facing me.
The light isn’t on, but it feels like it’s taunting me that much more with it off. Like the cameras never mattered. Nothing did. It was going to happen regardless.
I slide off the bed, feeling restless and with an anxiety that won’t go away. I hate that camera. I hate the blinking red light. I swallow thickly as I walk toward it. My throat is tight as I remember how the monster’s breath felt against my neck like a sticky fog. How my body screamed in pain and the bed shook as he took something from me I could never have back. I stared at the red light through my tears. Watching it blinking and recording everything. Just watching it all happen to me.
And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop it.
I stopped screaming, I stopped crying. I had nothing left but the fucking light to take me away.
Pathetic. I’m fucking pathetic. The faint memory flashes before my eyes.
A cry rips through me as my fist swings in the air, slamming against the cold metal of the camera.
Fuck you! Then it crashes to the floor and I scream as I reach down and grab it before cracking it against the unforgiving floor again.
I was never pathetic. My teeth grind together as his face stares back at me. The face of a monster. Nothing but coldness in his eyes.
I hate him. I hate what he did to me and how I can never change it.
I scream out as I pick up the stand and slam it over and over against the broken camera. Small pieces of metal scatter as I recklessly destroy each and every piece I can. My muscles scream and the adrenaline pumps faster and faster, but I’ve never felt so alive. So liberated.
Jay’s father did something to me; he changed me forever. But I won’t let him define me. That will never define who I am.
My shoulders rise and fall with each heavy breath. No more fucking camera. No more of this. I won’t do it anymore. I’m done with this shit.
I swallow my nervousness, my hands still trembling as I loosen my grip and let the leg fall to the ground. My body shakes as I look around, but instead of feeling crazed, instead of feeling scared by what I’ve done, I feel nothing but triumphant.