Total pages in book: 260
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
She whimpers and tries to move when she realizes I’ve left her, but I merely splay a hand on her hip and she stills, waiting for me to tell her what to do next.
Her thighs scissor slightly, simply because I’ve put my hand on her but it’s met with a small cry and her brow furrowing.
I lean over her, kissing her gently on the lips before pulling the covers up and around her.
“Don’t leave me, please,” my little bird begs me, and it destroys every bit of me.
“I won’t,” I lie to her just to ease her worry. “I’ll be right here when you wake up.”
Chapter 19
Robin
He couldn't help but leave me.
It’s all I could think while I stood in the hot stream of water.
I run my fingers through my damp hair as I sit on the bed in the basement.
I’m not sure if John is coming or not. I haven’t seen him since he left me yesterday, but it seems fitting to wait for him here. At least one of them will come.
I was foolish enough to think when the bathroom door creaked open and the hot steam drifted away from me that it was Jay, but it was only Toby. Hours later and still no sign of Jay.
My heart splinters as I cross my legs, and I have to close my eyes because of the aching reminder of last night. It was everything I thought it would be and more, but now I’m left alone, just like I was this morning.
I pull the lone pillow on the bed into my lap and lean against the wall, staring at the door. What a good little victim I’m being for him. My stomach sinks and my mouth dries up. I stay where I’m told to and spread my legs for him, begging him to ruin me.
I close my eyes and turn away from the closed door as Toby whines on the other side.
Jay’s not the only one fucked up in the head.
I’m so busy wallowing that I don’t hear John come in. It’s not until he clears his throat and the door shuts with a thud that I realize he's here now. The air is tense and awkward between us, and I instantly wonder if he knows.
“There you are,” he says and attempts a pleasant smile but he fails. “How are you feeling today?” he asks me cautiously, striding to the camera to turn it on and then fiddling with it as if there’s anything new to focus on. I think it’s just so he doesn’t have to look at me.
“Used,” I tell him flatly, watching for his reaction. He stills for a moment and my heart beats faster, but then he moves to the chair, the blinking red light greeting me as John takes a seat and the metal legs scrape and produce that irritating sound.
“Are you okay?” he asks me, leaning forward. It’s feigned concern. He doesn’t mean it. The realization makes tears prick the backs of my eyes, and I hold the pillow tighter.
“Why do you care?” I ask him out of anger. My words are shaky, and I use my middle finger to wipe under my eyes. I won’t cry over this. I refuse to.
“Robin,” John says my name with sympathy and compassion before rising from the chair and quickly coming to the bed. “Did he hurt you?” he asks me, and I simply shake my head. He rests a hand on my back, but he’s holding back.
“You don’t-” I try to speak, but my words are muted by the lump in my throat. “I’m hurt because I feel as though I don’t matter to you.” I tell him the truth, the raw honesty cutting me deeply. He doesn’t even remember me. My eyes water at the thought, and I wish I were stronger. I take in a steadying breath and focus on him. How much he needs me.
“Do you like me, John?” I ask him. “Do you think if things were different, that you would like me?” The question carries a heavy weight to it. He has the ability to break me and crush me into a million pieces. I need him as much as I need Jay.
“Of course I do,” John answers although he doesn’t hold my gaze. I close my eyes, feeling my body turn cold and nausea stir in the pit of my stomach. The way his voice is tense, the ‘it’s-not-me-it’s-you’ tone is there. It feels like a breakup. I struggle to breathe for a moment while he speaks, but this is all my fault. I know better than this. It’s Jay who makes me weak and stupid, who left me feeling like this. But I knew it would end like this. I’m the one who pushed.
“Yesterday, when I left-” he stops to rub the back of his neck and lets out an uneasy sigh. “I don’t know how to handle this, Robin. You’re fragile, and this situation-”