Total pages in book: 260
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
“Little bird,” he says and his voice is so full of pain.
“Jay, please,” I beg him, not caring how I look or how miserably I’ve failed him today. “I promise I’ll do better, but please.”
“This is for you too,” he tells me softly as he walks to the bed and stops in front of me. I sit there on my knees, looking up at him as though he’s my savior. “It’s for all of us,” he tells me, and it shatters my heart.
“Just hold me,” I beg him although my voice comes out strong.
“It’s too early to sleep.” The memories of him denying me with that excuse rush back. It was always when he’d come back shaken. That’s when he wouldn’t hold me. It wasn’t about me though; it was about him. His arms may have been the ones that wrapped around my body, but the comfort was meant for him. I can’t accept that now. Not right now. I need him too much.
“I don’t want to sleep; I just want you to hold me.” I remember what he said last night, and it makes the pain that much deeper. “Please, Jay. You can hurt me if you want, I deserve it.”
Instantly he pulls me into his chest, holding me closer and tighter than John did. Harder even. “Shh,” he tries to calm me. “You aren’t responsible.”
“You needed me,” I whisper against his chest. But I close my sore eyes and just allow him to calm me, rocking me side to side. Soothing me in a way no one else ever can.
“It was an impossible situation, Robin.” He kisses my hair again like he did last night, and it makes a warmth spread through my chest. My fingers dig into my thighs, keeping me from reaching up to him.
“If you hadn’t left, we wouldn’t be here now, would we?” he tells me softly as he pets my hair with long strokes. It’s relaxing, lulling me to sleep until he adds, “It’s fate. Things are meant to happen a certain way.”
I shake my head, hating his explanation and wanting to shove his hand away, but knowing not to reach up. Fate. Fate would mean Marie was meant to die.
“Please hold me,” I beg him and it reminds me of the first time he ever held me. The first time we both knew we needed each other too desperately to ignore. Before I can add that I’ll take the consequences, whatever they may be, he lies on the bed, making it dip and groan with his weight.
“For a minute,” Jay says and my heart hurts all over again. But at least I have one minute. Just one to hold on to him.
Chapter 18
Jay
Twenty years ago
“If I made a deal with her, do you think she’d hit you?” my father asks me as I sit in the steel chair across the room from him. My body shakes from the cold. My clothes are soaked, and the tips of my fingers are numb.
A deal… is he finally going to let her go?
“I think she would. She wants to leave more than anything,” he says more to himself than to me. I’m afraid to look at him. Afraid that if I do, he’ll tell her to do it.
My little bird.
She’s the only good thing in my world. The only purpose I have in life.
Do I think she’d strike me?
Yes.
She’d do anything to leave, and the thought shreds me. I could see him over her shoulder, whispering promises of freedom if only she’ll listen to him. Just like he did to me for so long.
“Are you letting her go?” I ask him, and the words tremble from my lips.
A rough dry laugh fills the small chamber as he throws a towel at me. It’s small and thin, but it’s something. I keep my movements slow as he paces, still not looking him in the eyes. One day I’ll be stronger than him. One day I’ll kill him for what he’s done.
But he likes to show me how weak I am, and he’s right. I’m no one compared to him.
The rough towel drags over my skin, drying it as he says, “No, of course not.”
He clears his throat, and I chance a look up at him as he stares at the back wall. He turns to look at me ever so slowly, and holds my gaze. My own eyes stare back at me. “She’s too important, boy. And I have so many plans for her.”
His words echo in my head, over and over. Through the screaming of the next session, through the sound of my feet pattering on the cold floor as he takes me back to her.
I only know two things to be true.
If she leaves, I’d rather kill myself than live another day.
And I need to get her out of here.