Total pages in book: 260
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 245483 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1227(@200wpm)___ 982(@250wpm)___ 818(@300wpm)
It’s only when I grab onto the boy, my small fingers digging into the rough denim of his jeans at his hip and my cheek pressed against his back, that he lets go of me.
* * *
The boy may scare me some, but the man terrifies me.
Chapter 5
That night
“I want to go home,” the girl whimpers. Her wide doe eyes dart from mine every time I look at her. We’re on opposite sides of the room, and that’s how it’s been since I came back. That’s all she keeps saying as she’s bundled up in the corner and crying.
She’s terrified, and has every right to be. But after what my father’s done to me, I don’t want to look at her. Partly out of shame. Partly out of hate. I was only gone for an hour, but an hour is enough.
He did it on purpose. Taking me the moment she woke up, and showing her how easily he can break me. He knew what he was doing, and it worked. And I did nothing to stop him. No fight in me… for her. And now, I can’t even look at her.
I can feel the bags under my eyes, the desperate need for sleep. But I can’t. Not with her here and not knowing what my father will do next. I force my dry throat to swallow, the pain still present and lean my head against the cold wall as I stare at the door. Sleep’s come easily to me this past week when I had nothing left to give, but I won’t let it take me now.
“Please, can you just tell him to let me go?” she asks weakly. I can see her lean forward slightly, hesitant and praying for mercy from me. But I can’t do anything for her. I’m so fucking helpless, and it only makes me angrier. Doesn’t she know I’m pathetic? My father made sure to show her as much.
“I just want to-”
“Stop it,” I tell her harshly and hate myself even more. I glare at her, ready to tell her how she needs to be quiet. How there’s no way out and that her crying is only going to piss me off, but then I see how glossy her eyes are, how her lips are turned down in a way that makes her seem even more vulnerable.
My heart beats in a weird way, like it’s skipping instead of beating. It hurts and my stomach churns with a sickness at who I am. Who I’ve become. I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be this person.
“Jay,” she says and I look up at her. Her voice is soft. It doesn’t matter how angry she is with me or I with her, we’re all each other has.
I stare at her, waiting for her to say something, but the tears fall down her cheeks. They don’t even require her to blink.
“I’m scared,” she whispers. Her voice is hoarse and her shoulders crumple inward. My blood rings with adrenaline to move, to go to her and cradle her in her arms. But I don’t want her to touch me back.
“I said I’d look out for you, right?” I ask her. Offering her a small smile. It’s not genuine in the least, but I try. I mean it. I will look out for her. I don’t know what I’ve done, but I know she didn’t do a damn thing wrong. “I won’t let him hurt you,” I tell her.
“How could he not?” she asks in a murmur and her voice cracks at the end. “He’s a bad man,” she says and then licks the tears from her lips. “Bad men do bad things.” She wraps her arms around herself and then looks back at me with an expression I can’t place.
My skin heats, every inch of it feeling like it’s on fire. “I’m here,” I tell her simply.
“Hold me please,” she pleads with me, wiping the tears from her eyes and looking away. “I’m just scared and I need…” she shakes her head, not finishing her thought.
“You need to sleep,” I say, finishing it for her and she whips her eyes to mine. There’s nothing but fear in hers. Her body is stiff and she slowly looks at the door.
“I’m here,” I tell her softly and offer a hand out to her. I don’t know why I do, I shouldn’t. But she’s quick to crawl across the cement floor to me. She drags the blanket with her and glances at the door as she comes over to sit next to me. I keep my distance when her knee bumps into mine. I scoot away, keeping a gap between the two of us.
The look on her face is like I smacked her, and she immediately withdraws. “I don’t like to be touched,” I tell her with a tense jaw.