Total pages in book: 51
Estimated words: 45957 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 230(@200wpm)___ 184(@250wpm)___ 153(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 45957 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 230(@200wpm)___ 184(@250wpm)___ 153(@300wpm)
Neither of us could abandon those things.
“I’m giving you an… option,” Ivan said. “I am leaving, yes. But I am not leaving you. What happens between us from here is up to you. I was patient for years so I could finally have you. And while I want to demand you come with me, to take away that choice from you, I can’t. It would cause a rift in the alliance I have with James, and while I want to be selfish, I fucking can’t for the sake of my family. And quite frankly, your family can’t handle that instability either.”
“So… what?” I demanded, my throat feeling too fucking thick.
“You have more options than I do. Stepping down from Pakhan this early in the game would be… detrimental to all involved. But you are merely James’s consigliere, and he has two others. He’s not hurting in that aspect. You need to decide which you want more: your family or me, kotik. And I cannot make that decision for you, no matter how much I want to. This needs to be on your terms, and if you choose me, then you need to work something out with your Don.”
He released me and stood from the bed. I watched as he grabbed a pair of slacks off the dresser that Igor or Mark must have dropped off for him. “I’m taking my leave, kotik.” I opened my mouth to ask him to stay at least long enough to eat one more fucking meal with me, but he spoke before I could. “I need to get back home. I’ve been away long enough as it is without someone in place to take care of things in my absence.” He fastened his slacks, then shrugged on his shirt. I sat on the bed, speechless. I couldn’t believe he was fucking leaving. Why couldn’t he just make this decision for me like he’d done so many other times?
Once he was dressed with a brand-new pair of shoes on his feet, he leaned over the bed, cupped my jaw, and slanted his mouth across mine in a kiss that ripped my soul apart. I ached everywhere and not because of the past few days. I ached because he was fucking leaving me.
“If you choose me, kotik, I will be waiting on you with a collar to put around your pretty neck, and I will immediately tie you to me through marriage. I hope this is not the end of us.”
“You’re an asshole,” I breathed when he released me and stood back up to his full height. “Fuck you for putting me in this position.”
He sighed. “If I could make the decision for you, I would, kotik.” Reaching out, he combed his fingers through my messy hair. “Remember, if I was capable of loving anyone, I would love you, kotik.”
And then, he was gone, slipping out my bedroom door and quietly shutting it behind him. My eyes slid shut, and a shuddered, pained breath escaped me.
“Fuck you, Ivan,” I whispered. This didn’t have to be the end of us, but why did it fucking feel like it was?
29
Adrian
James knocked on my open office door, something he never did. He always barged into my office just to get on my fucking nerves because he knew I hated the lack of respect. The fact that he was knocking now meant he’d picked up on the fact that I was off. That something was wrong. He’d been home less than twelve hours, and he could already tell I wasn’t myself.
I used to be excellent at hiding how I was feeling from people, but Ivan had worn down my walls. And since he’d left, I’d felt so unstable, I didn’t know what else to do besides hole myself up in my office and focus on getting the work done that I was behind on. I had plans to talk to James about leaving the family and going to Russia permanently, but I wouldn’t leave him with this mess before I did so… if he even let me leave.
And that was another reason I was putting off the talk. I was afraid of what my reaction would be if I asked him for permission to leave and he told me no. I wasn’t sure what I would do if he denied me what I wanted. I couldn’t continue to be without Ivan. It’d only been a little over twenty-four hours since he left, and I was already fucking unraveling.
“What’s going on, Adrian?”
I frowned down at the paperwork in front of me, pointedly avoiding his gaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I muttered.
He sighed, and a moment later, I heard my office door shut. I looked up, thinking he’d given me some privacy, but nope. He was now taking a seat in the chair on the other side of my desk, frowning at me, concern furrowing his brows. I blew out a soft breath through my nose and set my pen down, knowing I wasn’t getting out of this conversation. James wasn’t going to let this go until I talked about it.