Total pages in book: 146
Estimated words: 147801 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 739(@200wpm)___ 591(@250wpm)___ 493(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 147801 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 739(@200wpm)___ 591(@250wpm)___ 493(@300wpm)
He’s wearing only jeans, putting his huge, extravagantly tattooed chest on display.
Before I went up to my room earlier, he was about to indulge in his insufferable acts of exhibitionism, so I speak in my usual calm voice. “Gee, thanks for the death scare. Please don’t tell me you’ll start stripping…?”
My cousin narrows his eyes as he walks toward me. The motherfucker has mood swings worse than politicians, and I don’t want to see him naked.
“Don’t you dare, Niko, or I swear I’ll tell Aunt Rai about your annoying habits—”
“Have you ever been attracted to men?”
I pause.
Did he see something last night?
No, that’s not possible. He’s not subtle, so if he did, he would’ve advertised it in The New York Times.
I let my pen fall on the notebook and exaggerate an exhale. “What are you talking about?”
“You’ve always fucked women, but have you done that because you feel you have to due to peer pressure and what’s defined by society as normal or because you want to?”
The fuck is he getting at? Did that motherfucker Kayden talk to him or something?
I wouldn’t put it past him. He does seem like he loves to mess with his victims.
Is that what I am? A fucking victim? Me, Gareth Carson?
He also called me a toy.
Me. A toy.
“What is this about?” I stand up, tension crowding my shoulders. “What did you hear?”
“What should I have heard?”
Fuck. I can’t believe I let that slip.
Even Niko, who’s usually oblivious to cues, immediately picks up on it. He steps so close to me that he almost touches me, and even though he’s my cousin and we grew up together like brothers, I still don’t like to be touched.
Didn’t seem like you hated it last night.
The prick demon is begging to be killed.
“So?” Niko peers down on me. “What? Tell me. Tell me! What should I have heard?”
I shove him away. “Stop doing that shit.”
“Not until you answer my question.”
I palm my face. “I love women. Happy?”
“What about men?”
“I…don’t know. Could be.” I can’t believe I’m admitting this out loud. I don’t even believe it myself, but I want to talk to someone about it—even cryptically.
Niko came out as bi over four years ago and he’s the happiest goddamn queer I know.
I don’t care about others’ sexuality, and, really, Niko has the most adventures among us.
But me? Gay? No way in hell. It’s not actually about being gay. I’m open to that idea, but I’ll never be fucked.
Not in this lifetime.
Could I do the fucking, though?
I think that’s okay, right?
I clear my throat, chasing away the cloud of confusion. “Why are you probing?”
His eyes spark in a rare thoughtful gleam. “I’m testing something. When did you discover you like men?”
“I don’t like men. Jesus.” I hurry to the door, knowing Kill could be listening, and then close it.
Niko is poor at connecting patterns; my brother isn’t. He’d definitely get involved if he knew about Kayden, and they would clash.
Maybe kill each other.
And this isn’t any of my brother’s business.
I need to learn more about Kayden and then destroy him. Maybe after that, I’ll let Kill take care of the scraps.
Facing Niko, I lean against the door, my arms and ankles crossed. “I’m not sure. I don’t know. I love fucking women, but…” A certain man always makes me come like I never have before.
“But what?” He stalks toward me, then tilts his head to the side as he looks at me with those wide manic eyes. “What changed your mind?”
“I didn’t change my mind and, seriously, stop looking so intense. It’s creepy.”
“Blah fucking blah, just tell me what made your straight ass sway on the line. Figuratively, of course. Or is it literally?”
“Fuck you, asshole,” I mutter, then close my eyes.
Maybe it’s because the last couple of weeks have been weighing on me or because I can’t just keep it all to myself, but I say, “If you tell anyone about this, especially Kill, I’ll murder you.”
“I won’t if you just fess up. What made you change lanes?”
“I’m not sure I did—or would, for that matter. It’s just…one person. That’s it.”
Fuck me.
Is that even a thing? Finding one man attractive?
There must be others.
There has to be others.
Because there’s no way in hell the one man is Kayden motherfucking Lockwood.
Niko ruffles my hair. “Aw, welcome to the club. You top or bottom? Verse?”
“Just shut it, Niko.”
“You give bottom vibes.”
“Why the fuck would you think that?” I’m genuinely offended. Why is he so sure I bottom? Me? Being fucked.
Impossible.
“Because you don’t take a lot of initiative, cousin, and you’re such a prince. Though maybe you could be verse? Dunno. It depends. Experiment a lot and you’ll find out which position works best for you. Though I knew from the get-go that I love fucking, not the other way around. But people are different. Some know straight away—or gay away, see what I did there?—while others use trial and error.”