Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 63481 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 317(@200wpm)___ 254(@250wpm)___ 212(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 63481 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 317(@200wpm)___ 254(@250wpm)___ 212(@300wpm)
“I love you, Gadiel.”
Gadiel went still. It was like he stopped breathing altogether.
Slowly, he lifted his gaze, something heartbroken and yearning in it. He stared at Will for a long moment, as if trying to imprint his face into his memory, before swallowing and giving a tight nod. “Thank you.” He took the suitcase and turned to the gate.
His heart sinking, Will stepped forward and grabbed his shoulder. “I’m not lying, Gadiel. I really love you.”
Gadiel’s shoulders were stiff under his touch. “Please don’t,” he whispered. “Please, Will.”
Will turned him around and looked at his pale face, into his fragile, frightened eyes.
It broke his heart. “I love you,” he repeated, holding his gaze.
Gadiel blinked a few times. “You don’t. You—you can’t.” And yet, despite his words of denial, he looked at Will like a starved thing at the only source of sustenance. And there was hope in those eyes, a fragile, desperate hope—but fear too.
“I can,” Will said, cradling his lovely face with his hands and pressing their foreheads together. “I do. Or I’d never fuck you. I never fuck my clients. You were the exception for a reason. I love you, baby.”
Gadiel inhaled sharply, as if his words hurt him. “Please don’t,” he whispered hoarsely, squeezing his eyes shut. “Please.”
Will kissed the corner of his trembling mouth. “It’s true, love. I love you.” He kissed the other corner. “I’m in love with you. You’re all I think about.”
Tears fell from Gadiel’s closed eyes. He shook his head. “You can’t mean this. I can’t—If I actually believe it, I won’t survive it when you leave me.”
His throat thick with emotion, Will hugged him. “Look at me, love.”
Gadiel shook his head, a whine leaving his throat.
“Look at me,” Will repeated firmly.
Slowly, Gadiel blinked his eyes open, wet and impossibly blue.
“I know you’re scared,” Will said, stroking his cheek with his thumb. “Frankly, it scares the shit out of me too.” He gave a rueful smile. “You know me, I’m not exactly good with emotions. But I think of you as mine—I’ve thought of you as mine for some time now—mine to protect, mine to keep happy. I was just in denial about it. But I’m done lying to myself. I love you. It’s real. It isn’t going to change. I love you.”
Gadiel’s throat moved a few times as he swallowed audibly. “But you never took my feelings seriously because of my age. You said I was too young to feel anything real.”
He had said that. But did he really think that? Gadiel wasn’t fickle. He wasn’t someone who loved endless parties and fun. His emotions ran deep, his need for love, home, and stability uncharacteristic for someone his age. Will knew it, rationally. He’d spent nearly two months staring at this young man and obsessively learning what made him tick, what made him smile, what made him happy and upset. Will knew him. So had it been just senseless fear, fear of getting too attached to someone who could fall out of love and move on? Christ, he wasn’t sure. He’d like to say that it wasn’t true, that he was more rational than that, but Scott might not have been entirely wrong when he said that Will tended to ghost his girlfriends if things started becoming serious. Maybe he had been afraid of getting too attached—and getting his heart broken. Maybe Gadiel’s youth was just another excuse he’d used to protect his heart.
Either way, it hadn’t worked. He’d still fallen, and fallen so hard he couldn’t imagine loving someone else in this way. It was a singular thing, too intense and crippling. It gnawed at him like a hungry beast locked in the cage of his chest, pacing and clawing at his heart. It wanted out. It wanted in. It wanted to get into Gadiel’s heart and own it.
“It doesn’t matter to me,” Will said, brushing his thumb against Gadiel’s bottom lip. “I don’t want you to be any different. I don’t want a life without you. Stay here, don’t go back.”
Gadiel’s lips trembled as he opened his mouth several times, but no sound came out. He stared at Will with such naked longing, but his eyes were welling with tears and he was shaking his head. “We can’t. I’m supposed to get married in a few weeks. My father will never let me be with you. He’ll kill me rather than let me dishonor him like that. He’ll kill both of us.”
“You were willing to risk it for Scott but not for me?” Will said.
A laugh tore out of Gadiel’s throat. “It’s not comparable at all, silly. Scott was just a distraction, a temporary escape. I convinced myself that I could be happy with him for a while, but looking back, I didn’t really give a damn about him, about the danger I was putting him in. But you—I’d rather die or be miserable for the rest of my life than have anything happen to you because of me.”