Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 94279 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 471(@200wpm)___ 377(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94279 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 471(@200wpm)___ 377(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
A cocky grin slid across his face. I pointed to it. “Don’t gloat.”
Wilder chuckled and bumped his shoulder with mine. After, he held out his hand. I hesitated, but eventually slipped my hand into his.
We both stared straight ahead for a while in silence. When Wilder finally started speaking, he kept his gaze forward. “As long as we’re both being honest, I want to come clean about something.”
“What’s that?”
“I wasn’t totally honest with you last week at the bar. Or at least I was strategic in the way I answered.”
On reflex, I started to pull my hand from his. But Wilder tightened his grip. “No. You can’t have it back yet. I’m gonna need this for a few more minutes.”
I looked over, but Wilder had shut his eyes. “The other night you asked me what my longest relationship had been. My answer wasn’t a lie, but I skirted what you were trying to get at. I said I hadn’t dated anyone for more than a few months since college. What I didn’t say was that I had two long-term relationships before that. In high school, I had a girlfriend for two and a half years. Alyssa and I met in tenth grade. Senior year we started partying a lot, mostly typical eighteen-year-old stuff—drinking, smoking pot. One night, we were at some kid’s house party. His parents weren’t home. Some of the people hanging out were doing more than drinking beer and spiked seltzers. They were taking pills, Percocet and Xanax, but Alyssa played soccer and was going to college on a full ride, and I played on two rugby teams and had already been recruited to Harvard to play for them, so we didn’t screw with that stuff. Plus, I had a game the next morning, so I left the party early. Alyssa wanted me to stay, but I always made rugby my priority.” He paused and swallowed. “After I left, Alyssa wound up taking a Percocet since her friends were all doing it, and I wasn’t around to tell her to cut the shit. As far as I know, it was the first time she’d ever taken a pill that wasn’t prescribed to her. Turned out to be laced with fentanyl. She and two of her friends overdosed and died that night.”
My hand flew to my chest. “Oh my God. That’s horrible. I’m so sorry.”
He shook his head. “She wouldn’t have taken them if I’d stayed, if I had made getting her home safe my priority.”
“No, Wilder. You can’t blame yourself for a decision someone else made.”
“After it happened, I went on a tear. I got into a lot of fights and caused trouble—even got suspended for a few games for starting a brawl that involved half our team. I was close with my old varsity rugby coach—still am to this day, though I need to get my ass to visit him more often than I do. He’s got dementia now. But after Alyssa died, he gave me some leeway. When things spiraled, he sat me down and set me right, told me I was going to lose everything I’d worked for.” Wilder nodded. “He kept on me, made sure I stayed in line. Eventually my anger leveled out, or at least I learned how to channel it onto the field. A few months later, I went to college and didn’t look back. I swore off relationships after that, at least for the next three years. Then I met Whitney.”
Wilder stopped. He picked up a small rock and skimmed it into the ocean. It bounced a few times before I lost track of it in the darkness. “We were together a year.” His jaw tightened as he looked straight ahead again, and I watched the bob of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed.
“Oh God,” I said. “Did she … pass away, too?”
Wilder shook his head. “No. She destroyed me instead.”
I wasn’t sure what to say, so I stayed quiet. Eventually, Wilder cleared his throat. “That was my last relationship. It’s been ten years.” He paused. “A few months ago, when I went to visit Coach Evans, he asked me if I’d found a nice girl to settle down with yet. I laughed and said what I usually say—that I’m not the settling-down type. He patted my knee and told me I shouldn’t be afraid, that I needed to stop letting the things that happened years ago keep me from finding love again. I blew off the comment. I’ve always told myself I wasn’t afraid of shit. I just like my life the way it is. At least until recently.” Wilder turned and looked into my eyes. “Until the day I met you. Now I can’t stop wondering if maybe there’s something to what he said.”
I squeezed his hand. “Thank you for sharing all of that with me.”