Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 85228 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85228 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 426(@200wpm)___ 341(@250wpm)___ 284(@300wpm)
Saving them is great. It looks incredible on paper, but many of the women we encounter never get back to what society would consider normal, and how can we even expect them to after enduring so much trauma? Cerberus always provides safety and counseling, but it doesn't always work. Some women end up right back in the same situation because it's all they know. Sometimes they seek out the group who hurt them in the first place because they were abused so badly they fear for their lives even after safety is provided.
The idea of something happening like that to Caitlyn, and that's what has caused her trauma makes me want to rage at the entire world. I don't know why I didn't consider it before with the work I've done my entire life and the things I've seen.
Jesus fucking Christ, what have I done?
I told a woman who had clearly gone through something terrible that all I could give her was sex. She's been hurt, and I just proved that all men are fucking dogs by practically telling her she's only worth a couple of good fucks.
My entire body is trembling as I climb on my bike, making me regret, not for the first time tonight, that I took this out instead of one of the SUVs.
In hiding what I can't seem to get past, I have no doubt hurt her further.
It was never my intention.
I care for her. That's clear by the way I can't seem to get her out of my mind, and I know I could've handled things much better than I did.
It would've been ten times better if I had just put an end to what we were doing. I could've cited the conflict of interest considering she's Eli's therapist.
But instead, I told her where I stood, and then had sex with her again. I devalued her in the worst way, and I can only imagine what a strike to her psyche it was for me to carry through with the physical part of what I had to offer.
That fucking tear.
It's all I can think about as I rev my bike and point it south.
I hurt her without meaning to. I hurt her without consideration of why she might be the way she is.
I hurt her, and there's a part of me that will always hate myself for doing it because I can't get the woman out of my mind.
She's more than a quick fuck, and I knew that the second I told her that's all I had to offer.
She's a once-in-a-lifetime kind of woman, and the idea of that scared the ever-living fuck out of me, and instead of being a grown-ass man about it and trying to figure out why she seemed so important to me, I cut her deep.
I devalued her, offering only something physical, and probably from her past abuse, made her think that was all she was worth.
She told me she deserved better, and even though I readily agreed with her, she still sat on my bed the other night waiting for me to show up. She still took from me the only thing I told her I could offer, and it cut her even deeper than the conversation about it had.
A horn blares and I barely have time to swerve before ramming my bike in to the side of a pickup truck.
My hands are shaking as I manage to pull over on the side of the road. I'm so distracted that I just ran a red light. I wasn't going too fast, but it could've ended very badly with me on the bike.
I'm going to get myself killed before I can make the five-hour drive back to Gatlinburg.
I pull in several deep breaths and allow my mind to run through all the things that concern Caitlyn before shoving it all aside, if only long enough to make it back home.
The drive is brutal, and by the time I pull up in front of the cabin, my entire body feels like a block of fucking ice.
It's mid-morning, and I shouldn't be surprised to see Caitlyn's car parked out front, but I hasten my steps to get inside, worried that something might have happened while I was gone.
She's been meeting with Eli four times a week for several months now, so it makes sense for her to be here, but my head is running through a litany of awful things that might've gone wrong considering what she has been going through recently.
I freeze in the middle of the living room, drawing the eyes of everyone inside when I spot her sitting on the floor and smiling as she and Eli talk softly to each other.
Relief washes over me like a calming wave at the sight of her, and I don't let it affect me when she glances up, notices me, and then immediately pulls her attention back to Eli.