Total pages in book: 136
Estimated words: 132951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 665(@200wpm)___ 532(@250wpm)___ 443(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 132951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 665(@200wpm)___ 532(@250wpm)___ 443(@300wpm)
It’s closing in on nine thirty by the time my wife gets home.
She smiles when she sees me lounging on the couch in the library. “Why am I not surprised to find you in here?”
“It’s your favorite place to be.” And if I can’t have you beside me, I spend time in the place you like the most.
She drops onto the couch next to me, and I stretch my arm along the back, hoping she’ll slide into the gap. I’m not disappointed. She tucks herself into my side and checks out the cover of the book I’m reading. “Did you just pick up the first book on the pile?”
“I did. I was flipping through the tabbed chapters.”
“Those are all my favorite parts.”
“So you like the steamy stuff and the heartbreak.”
“It’s the dark moment before they figure out their way back to each other. But I only like it because I know they work it out in the end.”
I want to ask her if she thinks we could work out, but it feels like too much of a risk. I set the book down and press my lips to her temple. “How was game night with Flip?” The tightness in my chest is ever present when we talk about him. I fear I’ll never be as important to her as he is.
“I kicked his ass, which is not unusual.” She follows the seam on my pants with a fingernail.
“Sounds like there’s a but in there.”
She looks up at me, eyes a little sad. “He’s struggling.”
“Personally or professionally?”
Flip is at the top of his game. He’s having an amazing season. He has the best scoring record on the team, and he’s pushing his way into the top ten in the league. But just because he’s doing well doesn’t mean he feels great about it.
“They don’t always function independently of each other.”
People outside of this career don’t realize how easy it can be to go from the top to the bottom. And with all the positive press he’s been getting comes a resurgence of the negative coverage from the past.
“So both then?” I ask.
She nods and tries to get closer, so I pull her into my lap. I want this with her, these moments when she lets her guard down and shares with me, even if it’s about the person I’m most jealous of. Maybe especially then.
“Are you worried about him?”
“Yeah.” She shifts and kisses my neck, inhaling deeply. I can’t see her face to understand what’s going on in her head. “He started to see what we all see about Tally at Rix and Tristan’s wedding, and now that he’s aware, he can’t make himself unaware.”
“Ah. That’s tricky.”
“And now he’s realizing how his past choices could affect his present and his future. He doesn’t feel like he deserves to have a person,” she says.
I nod. He and I have that in common. The difference is, I’m selfish enough to try anyway. “Time can change a lot of things.”
She skims the edge of my jaw with a finger.
“What else is going on in that busy head of yours?” I ask.
“The holidays will be different this year.”
“What do they usually look like for you?” I run my fingers through her hair.
She lifts her head, kissing my chin. “Typically on Christmas Eve I put food baskets together for the unhoused people who frequent the library, drop off gifts at the group home, and eat Thai takeout.”
“Seemed like fate threw us together last year.”
“Mm-hmm… It did,” she agrees.
Last year we ran into Roman at a local Thai restaurant and ended up at his place for Christmas Eve. It inspired a plan to make Lexi and her sisters’ Christmas less difficult since it was their second holiday without their parents.
“What about Christmas Day?” I ask.
“I usually go to the soup kitchen in the morning and help prepare dinner.”
I stroke her cheek. “Do you ever do anything for yourself?”
“All of that is for me. I get to brighten other people’s days, and I’m not alone during the holidays.”
I want to tell her she doesn’t have to be alone ever again. I’ll spend every Christmas with her for the rest of my life.
She traces the shell of my ear with a fingertip.
I can’t promise her this Christmas will be easy, but I can take her mind off the things that weigh her down—and my own as well.
I press my lips gently to hers. Her warm, soft hand curves around the back of my neck and she angles her head, allowing the kiss to deepen. Weeks have turned into months and time is slipping through my fingers. I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t know how to deserve to keep her.
Mildred shifts to straddle my lap as we explore each other’s mouths. I run my hands down her sides, settling on her hips, needing her closer.