Total pages in book: 92
Estimated words: 85616 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 428(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85616 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 428(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
“It’s okay. You can cry. It’s okay.”
Then, as if Dylan had administered the anti-venom himself, I opened the floodgates. I allowed myself to be vulnerable as I wrapped my arms around Dylan and cried. Properly. Unabashedly. Emotions I didn’t even know I had flowed through me. A catharsis enveloped me with every sob. I hadn’t been expecting this but I was no longer trying to fight it, either.
“That’s it, you’re good. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”
His reassurances only made the emotions hit harder. I was safe here, in Dyl’s arms. Without judgment. The guilt that had smeared me since birth slowly began to wash away. The tears carried away the pain I’d been inflicting on myself silently for years.
“I feel like it was my fault,” I said out loud, against Dylan’s neck. He rubbed my back and clicked his tongue.
“Don’t ever think that,” he said, holding me tighter. “No one was at fault. No one could have known.”
“I just think about the what ifs.”
“There’s no truth in any of those thoughts. They do you way more harm than good. All we’ve got is now. And I know that your mom is looking down at you and feeling so proud, so happy to see her son grow to be such an incredible man. Life isn’t guaranteed to anyone, and I’m so sorry you didn’t get time with your mom; it’s beyond cruel. It isn’t your fault. None of it was.”
His words cut through the thick fog of sadness I’d been surrounded by for years. I’d been trying to tell myself what he told me now, but sometimes a heart only listens when there’s another beat to tell it the truth.
I hugged him tighter, our chests pressed together, his arms wrapping around me. I felt like I held onto a life raft as it carried me back to shore, the dark and threatening storm clouds slowly disappearing back into the horizon.
“Thank you.” I pulled back, wiped my face. Dylan’s shoulder and neck glistened with my tears. I managed to give him a smile and wiped some of him dry with my hand. “You’re a good shoulder to cry on.”
“I try, I try.” Dylan’s smirk put my heart even more at ease. I took in a deep breath and composed myself again. This moment of release was needed, but I couldn’t forget about the initial conversation that had led me down this path in the first place.
“I’ve been holding onto that for a long time,” I said. Continued to sniff. Rubbed my cheek with the back of my hand. It came back wet. I couldn’t remember the last time I had cried like that.
Dylan’s eyes were also misty. He had too big of a heart to not feel some of my pain. “And it’s a lot to hold onto. That’s a lot of pain. Guilt. But you don’t need to hold onto it anymore. You have to know it wasn’t your fault.”
Another deep breath filled my lungs. A shifter could regenerate any physical wound as long as it wasn’t mortal. So why couldn’t we heal the emotional wounds as well?
“I’m coming to terms with that, I think. Thank you.” I put a hand on his leg and squeezed. The intensity of my pained emotions began to subside while the feeling of safety and comfort only increased. Is that not an effect a fated mate would have on another?
“I may not have experienced the exact sensations you did when we met, but I know—especially after tonight—that fate did play a part in putting us together. Maybe seeing the hurt my father still endures on a daily basis from losing my mom has created some kind of block I’m not even aware of. Maybe that’s what’s stopping me from having the same exact experience as you. I don’t know. But what I do know is that I want to be with you.”
His eyes widened. The light behind them seemed to shine even brighter. “But what about work? The team?”
“I’ll figure that out. I’ll talk to the coach. See what accommodations can be made, if any. I don’t care if it means needing to find a new job.”
“That won’t happen,” Dylan said. His confidence may have been a little shaken, but it was still welcome.
I wasn’t lying, either. Tonight cemented things for me. Dylan was someone I would make sacrifices for. I’d been trying to keep guarded, keep him away from my heart, when he’d been making a home inside of it this entire time. I wanted to keep him by my side, wanted to keep making him smile and laugh, to keep discovering different facets of him, keep protecting him from bumblebees and running with him through the rain.
I would no longer allow fear or guilt to rule my life. It was time for me to take the reins.