I Could Never Read Online Penelope Ward

Categories Genre: Angst, Contemporary, Forbidden Tags Authors:
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Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 88317 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 442(@200wpm)___ 353(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
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“Did you ever watch the show?”

“Not all the time. But I’ve seen maybe half the episodes,” he said.

“Did you see the one where the character, Maddie, sends a raunchy text to her doctor by accident?”

“Yeah. I remember that one.”

I pointed to myself. “This girl right here.”

“Oh, damn.” He chuckled.

“Yup. Brad thought it was funny, even if I was mortified.”

Josh sighed. “Well, he would’ve found the silicone-chicken incident just as funny.”

My chest tightened. “Yep. He would’ve died laughing.” I realized what I’d just said. “Ugh.” Died. Laughing.

We sat in silence, watching Scottie devour the last of his chicken.

“I can see now that it would’ve been really challenging going at this alone.” I wiped my mouth and sucked up my pride. “I’m glad you’re here.”

Josh hesitated but nodded, seeming a bit taken aback by the olive branch I’d extended. He crumpled his napkin and tossed it aside. “I don’t know how Wayne did it every day, to be honest.”

“I guess love gives you strength. Scottie was all he had left.”

“And now Scottie has no one.” Josh shook his head slowly. “Life is so fucking unfair. I’ve struggled a lot with anger these past couple of years. I hoped it would get easier, but it really hasn’t.”

“I thought I was the only one.”

Josh’s voice was barely audible. “I would’ve given anything for it to be me and not him.”

I fought my tears. “Well, that’s a testament to your friendship.”

Scottie interrupted our somber moment when he jumped up from his seat. I took him over to the sink and helped him wash his hands before he disappeared into his bedroom.

“He really loved you, you know.”

I’d started cleaning up, but Josh’s words stopped me in my tracks. I turned around to face him. “Yeah. I do know. But thank you for saying that.”

Josh leaned back in his chair. “I didn’t want to believe he’d bitten the dust with you. I tested him a lot in the beginning—threw temptation in his face when he came out to visit. But none of it mattered. Eventually, I saw how committed he was. And I envied him for finding that kind of connection with someone.”

“That might be the most mature thing you’ve ever said, Mathers.”

“Don’t get your hopes up, Pumpkin. It’s not a trend. I just got caught in your sappy soup for a moment.”

I grinned. “Well, you can’t find something like what Brad and I had if you’re not open to it.”

“Yeah.” He sighed. “I never really have been. Too busy having fun out there, I guess.” He stood and began clearing the rest of the table.

As I loaded the dishwasher, I was again surprised by him.

“Have you dated anyone since…you know?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I know it’s been two years, but I haven’t felt ready.”

He wiped the counter. “I think he’d want you to move on.”

“I know he would. But it has to feel right, and it just hasn’t yet. Maybe once I get through this…sabbatical here.”

He nodded. “Speaking of which, we should probably get on with the process of putting Scottie on a waiting list for a home. I don’t think either one of us wants to be here in Woodsboro any longer than we have to. The therapist, Lauren, gave me her number and said she’d help set up a meeting with the agency she works for, if we want.”

“Interesting how she gave you her number and not the direct line for the agency.”

He smirked. “Yeah. I didn’t miss that, either.”

I didn’t know if it was all the talk about Brad, or the fact that I was feeling oddly guilty about enjoying being around Josh tonight, but I suddenly needed some space.

“Why don’t you do what you need to do tonight?” I told him. “I got this cleanup.”

“I should help with the dishes,” he insisted.

“There’s not much left. You had a long day at work and then helped me cook.”

He raised a brow. “You sure?”

“Yup.”

He slapped the dishtowel against the counter. “I’d actually love to take a shower so I don’t have to do it in the morning.”

“Go for it.”

Josh washed his hands before heading over to his suitcase in the corner of the living room. He took out some clothes and carried them to the bathroom.

Left alone in the kitchen, a wave of emotion hit me. Josh had given me a little peek into his softer side tonight. Talking about Brad had really brought it out. Interesting, but no surprise. Brad always brought out the best in people; he certainly always brought out the best in me. He made me feel cherished after every other male who’d come and gone in my life had let me down. I really missed him tonight.

A few minutes later, I was putting detergent into the dishwasher when I heard what sounded like Josh yelling from down the hall.


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