Total pages in book: 141
Estimated words: 136009 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 680(@200wpm)___ 544(@250wpm)___ 453(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 136009 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 680(@200wpm)___ 544(@250wpm)___ 453(@300wpm)
And yet she couldn’t make herself stand up. She couldn’t force her feet back to the war council. She couldn’t bring herself to lead.
Look at what happened when she did lead.
Death.
A sob escaped her lips, and she buried her face in Fordham’s shirt. He pulled her into his lap and brushed the water droplets out of her hair.
“I’m here,” he said. His lips pressed into her hair. “I’m here.”
“I don’t want to cry,” she gasped.
“Please cry,” he whispered. “Please. I worried that I’d lost you. I worried that you were gone. I can’t lose you, Kerrigan.”
Tears fell down her cheeks thicker than the rain that had pelted her for hours. She soaked through Fordham’s shirt. The words she tried to speak were unintelligible as she sobbed. Her throat was raw from hyperventilating as everything broke into a million brittle pieces, and the only lifeline in all of it was Fordham, who clung to her like she might blow away with the wind.
When she had cried until her entire body ached, she finally pulled back, wiping uselessly at her eyes. “I can’t do this anymore.”
He stilled. “Do what anymore?”
“Lead.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Look what I did,” she whispered. She pointed at the pyre. “Look.”
“You think that was because of you?”
Kerrigan pulled herself out of his lap, coming to shaky legs. “How could it not be?”
“Explain,” he said as he stood.
“I was reckless,” she gasped. “I did the stupid thing that has always worked for me in the past, and look where it landed me. No crown. No father. No Gelryn. If I had stuck to the plan and not insisted that we go after the crown, then he’d still be here.”
“Am I reckless then? Because I went along with the plan.”
“It was my plan.”
“It was Zina’s,” Fordham corrected. “Is Zina reckless?”
“Zina just gave me the idea. I was the one who executed it.”
“So no one else can be reckless in this situation? It’s only you and thus only your fault? Even though we all weighed the risks in a war council and agreed to go after the crown together?” Fordham asked stoically. “Even though I am your bound mate and agreed to walk into the belly of the beast with you?”
“You know what I mean,” Kerrigan said. “We didn’t have enough information, and everyone went along with it because I’ve made these sorts of things work before.”
“And I’ll reiterate that you and I made it in and out of the mountain, Clover had zero casualties while she stole a warehouse for the armory, and we took out some of their dragon guard,” Fordham said. “It was your plan, and it worked.”
“But my father—”
“Knew what he signed up for.”
“And he’s dead for it,” she all but screamed.
“He is,” Fordham said. “We cannot change what happened. I know what it is to lose a father. I’ve lost many people I love. In this instance, I believe that both Kivrin and Gelryn entered battle knowing what could happen. It shouldn’t have. They were both incredible fighters, but it did happen.”
Kerrigan turned from Fordham’s words. She didn’t want to think logically about this. She was shaken. Her recklessness had shown her a part of herself that she hadn’t wanted to see—a fear where before only courage had rested.
“What do I do?” she whispered.
“You face what happened. You look at your own mortality and know that you’re not invincible,” Fordham said. “Then you come back. You lead.”
“And if I cannot?”
“Then we lose,” he said simply.
She met his gaze with a growing fear in her stomach. “But…”
“You are the most fearsome and incredible individual I have ever met in my life, in any life. We need you to win this, my love.” He took her hand in his and placed it on his heart. “I need you.”
She nodded, hiccuping one more time over her tears. “I need you too.”
He brought his lips to hers. “I am yours forever.”
She sniffed, shoving at his suit. “You know…I let you wallow in Domara. You could have given me more than a few days.”
Fordham’s smile was brilliant. “If I gave you more than a few days, you would have ceased to exist. I can brood forever.”
That brought a real laugh from her. “Isn’t that the truth?”
“Will you return to the mountain with me? You’re still shivering.”
“Yes.” Her eyes returned to the pyre, which had burned down at this point. “Can we take the ashes ourselves though?”
“Do you want to do it or should I?” he asked, reaching for the bronze urn at the base of the pyre.
“Will you?” she asked softly.
His eyes softened. “Of course.”
It took him a few minutes to scoop the remains of her father into the urn. He jumped back down and passed it to her. Then he swept an arm around her shoulders and walked her deeper into the mountain.