Total pages in book: 66
Estimated words: 62266 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 311(@200wpm)___ 249(@250wpm)___ 208(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62266 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 311(@200wpm)___ 249(@250wpm)___ 208(@300wpm)
Still, I don’t want to leave things the way they are at the moment. I hate the way I treated her. I grab a piece of paper, not trusting myself to talk to her in person. I’m still not sure what I would do, but fucking her is on the top of the list, and I’m sure she wants to gut me right now.
I scribble I’m sorry down, slipping it quickly under her door before I head out the back way, not wanting to run into anyone. I’ll send War a message when I’m in the air that I’ll be back in a few days. He might be pissed about it, but it’s that or kidnap and fuck his sister. I think that would piss him off more.
I hop on my bike but sit there for a second. I don’t want to leave. I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. Cosima flashes through my mind, moaning my name, her fingers digging into me. I touch my shoulder in the same place. It felt so real, but it’s also not the first time I’ve had a wet dream about her. This is different. I think I am losing my grip on reality.
I know something has to change. I can’t keep going on this way. The more I try to keep my distance, which I’m shit at even when she’s a whole country away, the more my sanity and control slip away.
I’m becoming irrational and angry. It takes me back to when I was a small boy. I’d been filled with rage and anger at the loss of my parents. I would start fights with War and Ronan that would leave us all pretty bruised up and bloody.
Then Rochelle had Cosima. The first time I held her was the first sense of peace I’d felt since losing everything I’d ever known. She brought a sense of calmness to me that I needed.
The thought makes me smile, shaking my head. Even in the chaos that can be her, Cosima still fills me with that calm lightness. I changed after that day. I embraced the Marino family, becoming one.
Over the last year, I’ve felt that calmness leaving me, and yesterday has now sent me into a spiral. I have no clue how I’m going to handle it.
But I do know one thing: Cosima will always be mine.
Chapter Five
COSIMA
Calm down, I tell myself as I shove more items into my bag. It’s a stupid thing to tell myself. Calm isn’t really my style when I get worked up, and I’m all kinds of worked up now. The more I think about that stupid note, the madder I get. I don’t know where Z went, but he’s lucky I don’t know. I want to choke the hell out of him. He may be a lot taller than me, but I bet I could take him down if I really wanted to.
I still can’t believe he did this. When I feel the sting of tears in my eyes, I stop myself and focus back on my anger. Yes, I want to stay in that state of mind. I’m so not crying, not yet. Not until I get my shit together and get the hell out of this house. Once I’m on my flight with an ocean between him and me, I’ll let myself feel all the things. I just need to focus for now.
The problem is I can’t just up and leave. It’s not easy to come and go from the farm. The whole estate is surrounded by a massive stone wall that appears to be beautiful. That is until you’re trapped behind it.
It wraps around most of the property except for a section of thick woods that has motion detectors all over it. You don’t come and go from here without War or Z knowing. They are, after all, Z’s security and motion detectors. The man always knows where I am. Except now I have a secret weapon.
I grab my phone off my bed, calling Marks. She answers after a few rings. “Yo,” she says through the line.
“Is this secure?” I ask.
The plan when we met up yesterday was for her to make sure my phone wasn’t being monitored by Z. I have my phone back, but when she was messing with it is when everything went sideways. I’m not sure if she was able to do whatever computery tech smart things to it to see if he was and get him out.
“You think I talk on nonsecure lines?”
“I don’t know. Your ass disappeared like Houdini.”
“Who what?”
“Never mind,” I tell her. “I need to get out of here.”
“You and me both,” Marks mutters.
“Are you still here?” I honestly don’t know where Marks is from. She doesn’t talk about family except for a mention of her dad here and there. Marks bounces all around. Tova says she is never quite sure where she is. It sounds interesting but also lonely. I can relate; maybe that’s why we clicked so easily.