Total pages in book: 57
Estimated words: 52440 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 262(@200wpm)___ 210(@250wpm)___ 175(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 52440 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 262(@200wpm)___ 210(@250wpm)___ 175(@300wpm)
I'm not sure it is. I'm not sure it has been in a long fucking time.
"You aren't drunk when you fight?" Nadia asks.
"Nope."
"Can I ask…?"
"They all deserved it," I say, already knowing where her mind is at. "I know everyone thinks I'm an out-of-control asshole, but…the fights I've been in have been justified. I didn't get off without charges because I play football. I got off because the alleged victims were trying to slip shit into drinks, pawing women who didn't want to be touched, or causing problems. I handled the problem."
Nadia eyes me for a long, silent moment and then laughs quietly. "God, Teo. You're exactly the same in every way that counts, you know that?"
"What does that mean?" I ask, hitting the gas when the light changes.
"You were the same way when we were kids. You were a protector. You protected me. You protected Zoya and your sisters. You protected everyone around you." A smile dances at her lips. "I always loved that about you."
"I always worried I protected you too much," I admit.
"How so?"
"You liked to hide in the background when you should have been the star, butterfly. All eyes should have been on you, but you hid behind me." I take a left turn onto her road. "It worried the fuck out of me."
"I hated being the center of attention back then."
"Your song says you hid in my shadow, feeling small, baby."
"That's not what it meant," she whispers. "The song is about you leaving. I felt like I was left standing in your shadow, invisible because all you could see was the game."
I swallow hard, hating that I ever made her feel that way. Christ, if I could do it all over…
"I don't feel that way anymore, Teo. I understand now that you weren't choosing football over me. It felt that way at the time, but…I get it now." She gives me a tiny smile. "And I'm proud of you."
Fucking hell. She's killing me. All I ever wanted was to make her proud. I'm not sure I'm worthy of it, but it feels good as hell to hear her say it anyway. And it feels even better to know she means that shit.
I clear my throat roughly.
We ride in silence for a minute before curiosity gets the better of me. "What made you finally decide to really give music a chance, butterfly?"
"Zoya and my dad," she whispers.
I glance over at her.
"They found my songbook," she explains, her voice soft. "No one had ever seen it except for you. But Zoya is Zoya, so she looked through it, and then she gave it to my dad and told him that he needed to look through it, too. He read through my songs, and then he came to me and told me that his only wish for me was happiness. I didn't have to be perfect. I just had to follow my heart, no matter where it led me. And then he handed me the songbook and told me to follow my heart." She laughs ruefully, glancing over at me. "Now that I think about it, I kind of wonder if he was trying to nudge me back to you. But at the time, I thought he was giving me his blessing to run off and become a musician instead of going to college. So that's what I did."
"He's so fucking proud of you, butterfly. He brags about you to everyone who will listen. My Nadia is big star. She is genius with a pen and angel on microphone," I murmur, mimicking Knox's deep, booming voice.
Nadia's delighted laugh spills across the SUV. "That sounds like him."
"It's exactly what he says." I grin over at her. "He thinks you hung the moon."
"I think he did too," she says.
"Yeah, I know." She's always been a daddy's girl. And he's always been fiercely protective of her. I will never tell her, but he's been mad as hell at me for the last six years. At least, it feels that way.
He looks at me sometimes like he wants to know what the fuck I'm waiting for, what the fuck I'm doing. And I've never had an answer for him. I avoid him a lot when I'm home. It's easier than seeing the disappointment in his eyes. Knox Mikhail is not a man I've ever wanted to disappoint.
I always wanted to make him proud and be someone he would be proud to call his son. I wanted him to know that he could trust me with Nadia, that I'd take care of her the way she deserved. Maybe one day, he'll trust me with her again the way he did back then.
As we approach her place, I slow to a crawl, scowling at the cars parked every which way up and down the street. "Jesus Christ, baby," I mutter. "You need security."