Total pages in book: 57
Estimated words: 52440 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 262(@200wpm)___ 210(@250wpm)___ 175(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 52440 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 262(@200wpm)___ 210(@250wpm)___ 175(@300wpm)
"Yeah," I rasp, not lying to her.
"Thought so," she says quietly. "Are you two back together?"
A humorless laugh escapes my lips. "If you handed her a match, she'd use it to set me on fire without even hesitating, Emelia. So no, we aren't back together. That won't ever happen. Not after what I did."
"What did you do?"
I swallow hard, staring at the floor. "Broke a promise."
"I'm going to need more than that if I'm going to fix it, Teo."
"This can't be fixed. She hates me."
"Um, have you met me?" She eyes me like I've lost my mind. "Trust me, no one kisses a guy like that if it can't be fixed. And no one sings that many love songs about someone they hate."
I glance up at her sharply. "She doesn't sing about me."
Emelia throws her head back, laughing. "Have you ever listened to her music, Teo? Every single song is about you. Honestly, I'm surprised no one else has put it together. You're a dream I can't hold. You chose the game, so I chose the road," she says, reciting lines from one of Nadia's songs. "You're chasing victory, but you're leaving me behind. I'm standing in the shadows, feeling so small, while you run for glory, giving it your all."
"What song is that?" I growl, my heart clamped in a vise.
"The first lines are from Getaway. The second verse is from Blue," she says and then nods at me. "They're both about a boy with blue eyes who plays football. There have been rumors over the years about a boy she went to school with, but no one would ever confirm who he was. People back home are still impressively loyal to her. They keep her secrets."
Jesus Christ.
Has she really been singing about me all this time? I don't think I've ever really listened to the lyrics. I barely even managed to listen to her sing without my goddamn heart aching. I hear her voice, and it hurts, so I turn off the radio. I own every album and buy everything with her name on it, but I've never really listened.
Ha. I'm sure she'd agree that's always been my problem. I never fucking listen. Well, I'm listening now.
"She was supposed to graduate early, but she decided to skip the class she needed, leaving her several credits shy," I murmur. "She did it because I turned down my chance at a football scholarship, and we'd always planned to go to college together. When I got a last-minute walk-on spot at UT, I took it, even though it meant leaving her behind. She's never forgiven me for it."
"Oh, I see."
"No, you don't." I glance up at her, swallowing hard. "Her whole life, she hid in my shadow. She was always smarter, always better, always more talented. But she just kind of faded into the background most of the time, saying it's where she wanted to be. But I knew better. She was meant for greater things than that. I wanted her to have a chance to experience shit on her own for once, to realize that she didn't need to hide behind me. She deserved better than that." I exhale a breath. "I just didn't realize I was pushing her right out of my life by going about it the way I did. When I came home for Thanksgiving break, she told me that she'd never forgive me. I kissed her anyway. She slapped me and ran off."
My hands shake, so I clasp them together, trying to still them. "She shouldn't have been driving when she was that upset, and I knew it. I went after her to make sure she made it home safely," I whisper. "I found her car wrapped around a light pole. It was… God, it was bad, Emelia. By the time I got her out of the car, it was on fire. And the only thing she said before she stopped breathing was not to tell me."
Christ, that shit killed me. The way she mumbled it over and over, like she was begging for me to be kept away from her, not even realizing she was talking to me, that I was the one desperately trying to get her out of that fucking car…
"She didn't want me at the hospital. She didn't want me anywhere near her." I sigh heavily. "She's hated me for six years because I decided for her what she needed."
"Do you regret it?" Emelia cocks her head to the side, genuinely curious.
Do I? I've asked myself the same damn question a million times. The truth is…I don't fucking know. I regret losing her. I regret every minute of the last six years. I regret what I said back then about not wanting her in my life because it wasn't fucking true. I'll never forgive myself because she was on the road that night because of me.