Total pages in book: 158
Estimated words: 146477 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 732(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 146477 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 732(@200wpm)___ 586(@250wpm)___ 488(@300wpm)
Crap. If she didn’t think I was insane before, she’s about to have a very rapid change of heart.
Taking a breath, I prepare myself to tell this woman, this colleague, that my subconscious has somehow developed a murderous fear kink that appears in the form of a sexy-as-sin stalker in a satanic mask who rails me while I try not to scream.
Fun times.
Knowing that holding back isn’t going to do me any favors, I dive straight into it, giving her every sordid detail of my moments with my stalker, starting right at the very beginning from when it was just a feeling of being watched.
I tell her about the carvings in the bodies, the words left on the heart, the black roses, and the unfortunate sexual encounter at the club. I even pull up the side of my hospital gown and show her the letters carved into my skin, the very letters I somehow put there myself. I don’t skip a single detail, telling her how I allowed him to touch me, how I welcomed it, even provoked it at times. How when his hand closed around my throat, it excited me. How the pain on the blade carving into my skin was alleviated by the feel of his fingers on my clit, and how despite having the clear image of Laith’s dead body circling my mind, I never told him no.
“How long ago did this begin?” she asks. “Has it been slowly building for months, or is this all very recent?”
I shrug and try to remember exactly when the first shiver ran down my spine. “It started the day before my mom’s anniversary dinner, so about four weeks ago,” I tell her.
“And has there been any other significant changes in your life? Work related? Relationships?”
My gaze flicks to the empty chair that Knight vacated as the doctor walked in. “I mean, all that is new,” I tell her as she follows my gaze to Knight’s chair. “He’s kinda my step-uncle, and if anyone finds out, it would throw both our worlds into chaos. But having said that, I don’t think it’s related. These episodes started happening before Knight and I got together.”
Dr. Carzy nods. “I see, but as your relationship progressed, so did these episodes. They have escalated, become more volatile. Physical to the point of turning a blade on yourself. Now, I’m not saying that this may be the cause, or trigger, that has provoked these episodes. I believe this is more of a sexual fantasy that is manifesting. However, stress often plays a much bigger role in our mental health, no matter how big or little that stress may be. Anything can be a trigger.”
I give her a blank stare. “Are you telling me that screwing my step-uncle is literally sending me insane?”
“No, not in the slightest, Dr. Madden,” she says. “Just that the undue stress of maintaining a sexual relationship with a partner who might not be deemed appropriate may have aided in how quickly the manifestation of this stalker came on.”
“Well shit. Do I have to stop sleeping with him?”
“I cannot help you with that,” she tells me. “However, off the record, if you feel that you have a real future with this man, that he is ticking all your boxes and bringing you happiness and love, then you should hold on to that with everything you’ve got.”
I nod as I let out a heavy breath, my cheeks puffing out in the process. I know she’s right.
“Now,” Dr. Carzy says, getting right back on track. “Tell me how the masked stalker would appear to you.”
We talk for almost an hour when she finally decides that I won’t be a danger to myself or to anybody else and hands me a notebook along with a pencil. “Now, I know us doctors aren’t always the best artists, however, I’d like you to draw your stalker, more specifically, his mask,” she tells me. “In the meantime, I’m going to leave you be. At this stage, you’re presenting with a mild case of psychosis. I don’t believe we’re looking at anything long-term with regard to treatment. However, I would like to get you started on some meds. The good news is that you can recover from this. With the right support system, regular therapy, and medication, you could be looking at a full recovery, but it is not easy. It is not a short road. You will need to put in the work. You will need to show up for yourself.”
I nod, seeing that recovery far in the distance and wanting to grab it with both hands. “Whatever it takes,” I tell her. “I want to put this behind me.”
“Good. Now, over the next few days, I’ll check in and see how you’re doing and see if we can match you up with a therapist you gel with.”