Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 90085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 450(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90085 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 450(@200wpm)___ 360(@250wpm)___ 300(@300wpm)
That was it. I pulled out just as the first burst of cum shot out of me, spraying onto her pussy lips.
“Goddamn,” I shouted as I continued to ejaculate all over her cunt. “Fuck!”
Once it was done and I was left reeling, I lifted my eyes to look at her face.
What the fuck had I just done?
Thirty-Eight
Montana
In life, it was expected that you’d have regrets, but this would never be one of them. Not for me at least. However, the expression on Than’s face when he’d told me he’d go get a cloth to clean me up could only be described as regret. I had gone from my heart soaring and feeling so connected to another person to the heaviness sitting on my chest as a constant reminder that I was still alone. The experience we’d shared had been exactly what Than had been worried about. I’d felt a deep connection while to him, it had only been sex.
He hadn’t spoken or looked at me again, but he was determined to wipe me clean from not only his semen, but the blood. When he was done, he placed a kiss on my forehead, turned out the lights, and climbed into bed. I was struggling to breathe from the deepest ache I’d ever felt and turned away from him. His arm came around me and pulled me to his chest.
At some point, I must have closed my eyes and finally drifted off because I was awake, the sun was shining, and I was alone. Than’s side of the bed was cold, and it was only 6:33 in the morning. He’d been gone awhile, it seemed. The cabin was silent as I lay there, listening for any signs of life.
Had he left to go sleep on the sofa?
Tears pricked my eyes again. I’d fallen asleep, silently crying.
It wasn’t that I had expected my first time to be a magical thing with a man I loved. I’d heard enough stories from friends over the years of when they’d lost their virginity. But it had been magical at the moment. Sure, it hurt, but then it was…wonderful. I was his. He looked at me as if he wanted nothing else in the world. And for that time, it had given me the briefest taste of what it must be liked to be loved, to belong.
Boys had claimed to love me in the past, but it had always sounded shallow or silly. I’d not put much stock in the emotion. Not romantically at least. I loved my mom. But loving a guy the way movies, books, and even my friends had claimed was an odd thing I didn’t get.
Until now.
In just over a week, I’d fallen in love with Than Carver.
I could hear my momma’s voice now as she shook her head and smoked one of her Virginia Slims.
“Did I teach you nothin’, Tana? You don’t go givin’ your heart to a man. Don’t matter how hot he is or how sexy he walks. You guard it, darlin’. Let him fall in love with you and use it. That’s the real power.”
But I was never like Momma. And I knew I never would be.
Tossing back the covers, I got up, wiped my face, and headed to the bathroom. I needed a cold compress for under my eyes, but I wasn’t going in that other room just yet. He’d escaped me. Even though he’d held me when I fell asleep, he had left as soon as he got the chance.
The letters were in there. We’d left them on the coffee table. I wondered if he’d finished reading them. I’d not wanted anyone to ever read them unless absolutely necessary. Than had reacted so strongly when reading the few he did that I thought he had developed feelings for me that went deeper than he claimed. When he wadded up the letters after reading them and let them fall to the ground, my pulse quickened. I didn’t want to label why it was doing it, but I knew. I believed it was a sign that he wanted me. Not just sexually, but me. The person. I’d thought that he wanted me in a way that he clearly didn’t.
Wincing, I stared at myself, remembering his face after it was over last night. He’d looked almost devastated. That would stay with me for a very long time. I wasn’t sure I could ever have sex with anyone again without that taunting me.
And we’d not even made it two weeks yet. If I focused and didn’t have distractions, I could finish the virtual school a little early. Maybe by two weeks. Since I wasn’t going to walk and go through a real graduation with the whole cap and gown, like momma had always wanted to see, I wouldn’t have to wait for that official diploma. I could find a job sooner and be gone in less than three months.