Total pages in book: 163
Estimated words: 150878 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 754(@200wpm)___ 604(@250wpm)___ 503(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 150878 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 754(@200wpm)___ 604(@250wpm)___ 503(@300wpm)
I gaped, almost tempted to laugh. If I wasn’t trembling with anger and shame, I might have. “Strong? You think you’re strong? You’re the weakest man I ever met. You threw Tuck under the bus and blamed him for what you did. My God.” I put my palm to my forehead. “You were willing to watch Tuck go back to prison rather than take responsibility for those drugs. He called you out and you still continued to lie.” I felt nauseous at the thought of what might have happened if our plane hadn’t gone down, if we’d landed and I’d watched as Charlie reported Tuck for the drugs Charlie knew very well were his. But Charlie wasn’t the only one to blame. Yes, he had fooled me, but I’d let myself be fooled. And maybe, in some sense, it had been easier for me to believe Tuck was now a bad person, because otherwise, I’d have to admit my deep, and apparently unrelenting, attraction toward him. Not that any of that even mattered now. The point was, Charlie was a dishonorable, lying dick and it was over between him and me. “How could I ever look at you the same way again, Charlie? You make me sick. When we get back, we’ll go our separate ways.”
Anger flashed in his eyes, another crack in his armor. “Jesus, Emily. You’re making too much of this. None of that even matters. Those drugs are now ash in some field. No one’s going back to prison. Just let it go.”
But I couldn’t because it wasn’t the drugs themselves, it was his character I wanted no part of. If he could do that, what else was he capable of? “Tuck is going to help us get back to California, despite the fact that you lied about him and blamed him for what you did.”
“You’re the one who fired him.”
His words felt like a punch because they were true. I had. I’d fired Tuck based on lies. I’d believed Charlie even though Tuck had begged me not to and I felt overwhelming guilt now because of that. “You’re right, I did. I should have seen through you, and I didn’t. I take responsibility for that.”
Charlie huffed. “Whatever. Listen, they have cots set up for us next door, including a locker and some clothes. I’m wiped and we’re both saying things we don’t mean. I’m going to get out of this bullshit—” he pointed down to his dirty outfit and disgusting shoes “—and get some sleep.” He leaned toward me. “Think about what I said, Emily. We can start fresh. Leave him behind and get back on track. I know we can.”
“Not a chance. Good night, Charlie.”
He paused but then turned and walked away.
I began strolling along the far wall, just needing to move for a few minutes before I faced Tuck again. How was it that he didn’t despise me? Or…well, maybe he did, and if so, he had every right to. I flashed back to that moment on the plane, the way his eyes had beseeched me, the words he’d used. You know me, Em. And I felt even sicker.
And yes, I did know Tucker Mattice. Or I had. He was the boy who’d broken my heart. And all these years, all this time and it still wasn’t completely healed. It still ached for him. And I’d do anything to make that stop.
Had I believed Charlie’s lies in part due to self-preservation? Had I wanted to think Tuck was capable of unforgivable misdeeds because it was easier for me?
I let out a groan, massaging my temples. I’d made such a huge mistake, and here he was, still protecting me—and Charlie!—as he guided us through death and danger. I didn’t even know how he’d done it after our betrayal. But what I did know was that I was deeply in debt and had no way to make amends or to repay Tuck for what he’d unselfishly done.
twenty-nine
Tuck
I headed back inside from the portable toilets I’d visited after asking Hosea to keep an eye on Emily. She and Charlie had had a fight, and he’d stormed off over to the building across the way. I itched to see if she was okay, but it was pretty obvious she wanted to be alone by the slow walk she’d been doing around the perimeter of the room when I’d ducked out of the building.
Now she was stopped and chatting with a couple of young women. By the animated way they were gesturing and Emily’s smile, I thought they might have recognized her and were expressing their appreciation for her music. I couldn’t help the admiration I felt as I watched her, noting the way she reacted with equal enthusiasm and then said something that made them laugh and bring their hands to their cheeks, like she’d just paid them a compliment in return. So many of the things Emily did reminded me of the girl she’d been. But since we’d set out on this journey, I’d also been struck by the woman she’d become, the one I’d been unfamiliar with until recently. I hadn’t given her a fair shake when I’d first arrived at her apartment. I’d shown up on defense, expecting her to judge me and yet I’d judged her too. And I saw now how much of that judgment had been undeserved.