Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 80102 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 401(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80102 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 401(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
Whit glares at me, and I have to say his tough face is kind of laughable.
“Or every time you feel yourself rambling, take a drink,” I suggest.
Whit’s head falls to the bar again. “I’ll die of alcohol poisoning.”
It’s not my fault a laugh escapes. Seriously, I can’t tell if this guy is entertaining or plain sad.
He lifts his head. “You should be my wingman.”
I should do what now? “As tempting as that is, I kinda have a job to do already.”
“Yeah, but that’s why you’ll be good at it. You know people, and you’ve seen things.”
“I’m straight, remember? I know nothing about gay hookups. I’d tell you to go on dates and make them feel special before trying to get them into bed.”
“Is it against gay law to go on dates and make each other feel special?”
I throw up my hands. “I don’t know. Which is exactly why I shouldn’t be your wingman.”
“Worth a shot.” Whit finishes off his cider. He stands, and I think he’s going to go back to mingling, but he takes his coat off his chair and puts it on. “Thanks for the drinks.”
He slides a tip across the bar top, and I immediately feel guilty, but that doesn’t stop me from taking it.
“You don’t have to leave,” I say.
“My ego’s taken enough hits for one night.” His smile this time is smaller, his dimples not making an appearance. “But … I will be back. Maybe.”
“You should come back.” I find myself hoping he does.
4
Whit
Sundays are my one day to sleep in, but my body never lets me sleep past eight. As the light streams into my bedroom, I wish I could return to the darkness of unconsciousness where my ego is still intact.
I’m never stepping a foot inside Vino and Veritas again. Nope, nope, nope, that’s a hard pass.
That reduces my hookup options to dating apps, but there’s something seemingly cheap and nasty about the idea, especially for my first time. Having said that, I’d prefer the anonymity of an app to scoping out any LGBTQ-focused events on campus. I’m out at Moo U, but there’s a difference between people knowing I’m gay and seeing it, and while my reservations may be overly cautious, it has nothing to do with how others will react. It’s about my comfort level.
I don’t have much time to myself between studying, hockey, and working on the farm. I rise early to get morning chores done, go to class throughout the day, hockey practice is every night during the week, and games are on weekends. It leaves very little time to explore what I need to so I can get all these first-time experiences out of the way.
At the same time, something Rainn said last night stuck with me. When he said the only advice he could give me was to make someone feel special before trying to fuck them, I realized I want to feel special, or at least respected. I don’t want to be seen as a hole or a dick to use, and I probably need to pay that same respect to whoever I end up sleeping with.
I’m not holding on to my virginity like it’s some virtue or sign of purity or whatthefuckever all those religious people preach, but I want more than a hookup with a random person I might regret.
So dating apps are probably my only option if I refuse to go back to the bar, which I do. If I never saw Rainn Richardson again, it would be too soon. Twice now, I’ve embarrassed myself in front of him, and I won’t let it happen again.
I take out my phone to open an app I downloaded ages ago but then buried in a random folder so no one could see it.
I have a half-filled-out profile that I abandoned when I’d decided I wasn’t ready to be out and therefore not ready to take risks.
The information I filled in almost a year ago now is different from what I actually want.
I uncheck the box that says looking for a hookup and click “dating” instead. The relationship box is right next to it, and while I wouldn’t mind meeting someone and having it turn into more, it isn’t a necessity, so I leave it blank.
I fill in other details, omitting that I’m a student and that I’m a hockey player, because that part of my life is wrapping up with graduation looming.
A lot of the other profiles have pics of abs or chests, and only a couple have faces. I have no idea what to put on mine. Abs is suggestive, but I am looking for sex with a side of dating, so maybe I should do abs?
Will I care if anyone I know sees my face on a gay dating app? I assume most abs pics are posted for anonymity as well as marketing your best assets. Not too long ago, I would have cared about being recognized, but not anymore. Face, it is. It will send less mixed signals than asking for a date and then posting a pic of my half-naked body.