Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 80102 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 401(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80102 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 401(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
I care about him. I could possibly be falling for him. Last night I was sure of it. But right now, I can’t think of anything other than him needing to take this opportunity without considering me.
I know what it’s like to live with regrets. If I hadn’t taken that hit. If I had rehabbed my leg properly the first time without going back on the ice too early. There have been too many what-ifs in my life, and I don’t want that for Whit.
But I also don’t know how to talk to him about it without the conversation blowing up.
The drive back to my place is quiet because of that. I don’t have the right words. I don’t even know how to broach the subject.
“I didn’t tell you about it because I knew you wouldn’t understand,” he says after about fifteen minutes of silence.
“You’re right. I don’t understand.”
“And you don’t need to because it’s my decision to make.”
There’s an edge to Whit’s voice I’ve never heard before. He’s not a serious guy. I didn’t think it was even possible for him to be mad.
“So I don’t get a say? At all?” I ask.
“Nope.” His mouth makes a popping sound on the p.
“Why not?”
“Because it’s my future. I don’t get a say in yours.”
“You might not get a final say, but I appreciate your opinion.”
Whit scoffs. “No you don’t.”
I frown. “Where’s this attitude coming from?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe my boyfriend telling me I should move five hours away without another thought.”
“Wait, you think I want you to move to get away from me?”
“No, but did you even consider us before telling me to go?”
“Of course I did. I don’t want to hold you back. I don’t want you to have regrets like I do.”
Whit shifts in his seat. “Okay, then let’s hear those regrets. What are they? Not finishing college? Not doing anything with your life? Why don’t we talk about that?”
“That’s cold, Whit.”
“No, it’s not. You want an open discussion on my life, and this relationship thing is supposed to go both ways. I haven’t pushed you into doing anything. I haven’t told you to call that hockey-camp guy. I haven’t told you to enroll for classes next semester. I’ve done none of that even though I’ve wanted to because it’s your decision to make when you’re ready. Just like this is my decision to make.”
“I think you’re making the wrong decision, though.”
“So are you.”
I huff. “A college degree will always be there. I can go back whenever I want. This is an opportunity for you that won’t come by again. I’m not saying you have to take it, but at least find out more.”
“There’s no point.”
“You’re being so stubborn.”
“I’m stubborn?” Whit exclaims. “Me? You’re the most stubborn person I know. Stop being so headstrong and face your fears. It’s been long enough.”
“What fears? I’m not scared of anything.” Although, that’s not entirely true. I’m scared of failing. Of never being happy again. But most of all, in this moment, I fear losing the one person who’s understood why I am the way I am. The one person who hasn’t pushed me to deal with my shit until now.
“You’re so fucking scared of trying to be happy because you know what it’s like to lose something you care so much about. You threw your whole self into hockey, and when it didn’t go the way you thought it would, your world crumbled and it destroyed your future. And I get it. I really do. But at the same time, you haven’t even tried to get any of that happiness back. You work in a job you like but have no passion for. You avoid everything to do with hockey—”
“I didn’t avoid you. In fact, I’d say I did the complete opposite.”
“Still doesn’t negate the fact you’re avoiding even planning a future because you’re—” His mouth slams shut, and it’s as if I can see a lightbulb appear above his head. “That’s why you started acting weird yesterday.”
“Say what now?” I pretend I have no idea what he’s talking about.
“I thought it was nerves about having sex with a guy, but I was looking at it all wrong. You started getting weird after I showed you my house. I have a plan, and that freaks you out. I’m like that terrible blind date you had. She was ambitious, she had a plan, and you shut her down for it.”
Hearing him lay out my issues like that feels like he’s slamming me into the boards over and over and over again.
“Think what you like,” I snap. “You’re trying to turn this whole issue around on me when you’re the one who we should be focusing on.”
“This has nothing to do with me. Not really. You’re pushing me away. That’s what this is.”