Total pages in book: 82
Estimated words: 77519 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 388(@200wpm)___ 310(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 77519 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 388(@200wpm)___ 310(@250wpm)___ 258(@300wpm)
Ethel chuckled. “I can see you’re shocked.”
“I have no idea what is happening right now.”
“I’ve made tea. Come, let’s sit down, and don’t worry, this sofa has not seen a man on it at all.”
She followed her mother into the sitting room. The sofa was a lovely mint green, and as she sat down, Nikki gasped, as there was suddenly a dog, a little Chihuahua, at her feet.
“Crap,” Nikki said, jerking back.
“Don’t mind him,” Ethel said. “Come on, Sean, come here.”
“You have a dog?”
The little Chihuahua went straight to her mother. Ethel picked up him, placing him on her lap, and he curled up in a ball and started to sleep.
“Yes. When you arrived he was out in the yard. It’s dog-proof so I don’t have to worry about him escaping, not that I ever have to worry about that, do I, little guy?” Ethel leaned down and gave him a kiss on the head. “When I take him for walks, even when I take him off the leash, he just sits at my feet. He doesn’t want to go anywhere.”
“Okay, Mom, I didn’t want to have to say it, but wow?” Nikki asked.
“Yeah, a lot has changed.”
“You’re like a different person.”
“Well, dying can do that for you.”
“What? Dying? What are you talking about?” She looked at her mother in shock.
Ethel sighed. “I guess I better fill in the blanks. I just want to say before I begin, I was a terrible mother. I know this. I recognize this, and for that, I am so sorry.”
“Mom, don’t.”
“And don’t even try to tell me I wasn’t, we both know I sucked big time, and I accept it.” Ethel sighed. “It’s not a proud moment of mine. It’s not even a good moment.” She looked like she wanted to cry, and Nikki was just about to reach out to her, to offer her some comfort, when she seemed to square her shoulders. “Do you remember the last time I came to see you, asking for money, and you had gotten robbed? I was horrible to you because you didn’t have any money for me.”
“Yeah, I remember.”
“Well, I found a way of getting some money, and I’m not going into how I got it. Anyway, I was hooked on drugs, the hard stuff, and I needed my fix. The moment I got it, and injected it into myself, I knew something was wrong. It didn’t feel right, and the next moment I woke up at the hospital.”
“Mom, how come I wasn’t alerted?”
“I had you removed as my next of kin. They had no way of knowing I had a daughter, let alone any relatives. It was good. I don’t know how I managed, but I ended up collapsing on church grounds. The priest, Father Richard, brought me to the hospital. Saved my life. I was dead for a few seconds, but they were able to revive me.” Ethel took a sip of her tea. “During that time, I was able to get clean. Being in the hospital, they had a program and the church was also willing to help pay to get me clean. To have a clean break. Father Richard came to me, and told me I had the opportunity for a second chance.”
Ethel took a deep breath.
“At first, I told him no. I told him I didn’t deserve a chance. Not a second or third. I confessed to him. I told him I was a terrible mother, how I treated my daughter, what I expected her to do to earn money. That you left, and I hated you for it. The men. All the men, and the wives, and my reputation. I told him I didn’t deserve a second chance and he looked at me and said that by confessing everything, it showed I wanted forgiveness. I didn’t deserve it. Then he reasoned with me, did I even want a chance to tell my daughter I was sorry. Did I want the chance at a new life, or should he just pull the plug.” Ethel smiled. “It probably wasn’t very kosher, but he offered to turn on the drugs, and to let them fill me up, and he wouldn’t alert the hospital staff. I might also want to say that he took off his, uh, priest thing. You know the band around his neck. In that moment, he said he was just a man, not acting on behalf of the church.”
“Wow,” Nikki said.
“Yeah, and it was in that moment when I knew I could die, like truly die, that I wanted to live. I wanted that second chance more than anything. In my head I saw you. I saw the little girl you were and the mother I always wanted to be, and then I saw what I was actually like. The cruel things I said. How I wasn’t there for you. I was a fucking horrible mother.”