Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 115308 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 577(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115308 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 577(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
I stood up slowly, smoothing my skirt with shaking hands. “See, I get that, Maryanne. I do. I can see that you’re doing well, and I am happy you’re sober. I’m sorry for leaving you. I know you think I don’t owe you that, but I need you to know that leaving you was one of the hardest choices I’ve ever had to make … But the fact that you thought speaking about our relationship, or lack thereof, in a public manner was a good idea leaves me with many questions about your judgment and about your trustworthiness.”
She stood to face me, swallowing several times as she nodded and rubbed her hands together. “I understand.”
“So, why? Why not just reach out to me directly?”
“I told you—”
“No. I know you said you were too afraid to … but I question that because you weren’t afraid to air to the entire country that you were a heroin addict. How could you be okay with that and not facing me?”
“Because it’s easier to tell a bunch of strangers about your mistakes than to face the person who bore the brunt of those mistakes.” Maryanne gave me a sad half smile. “I don’t expect anything from this, Maia. I don’t expect your trust or forgiveness. That’s not what I wanted today. I just wanted the chance to tell you that I never intended to hurt you again with that article. And I wanted to tell you face-to-face that I am sorrier than you will ever know, kid. I know I’m not allowed to feel any way about you, but I am so proud of the woman you’ve become. I know I’ve left my wounds on you … I know that, and I know that because I had shitty parents, My, and they were among the reasons I turned to drugs. So, I know what a crap upbringing can do to you … and I am beyond proud that my daughter is so much stronger than I ever was. That you broke the generational trauma. That’s huge, Maia. That speaks so much to your strength of character. If we never see each other again, I needed you to know that. That you”—her tears spilled over—“you are the best part of me, and I’m sorry I couldn’t show you that growing up.”
Her words were like a sword and a bandage all in one. I choked on my emotion, gave her an abrupt nod, and strode out of there.
Seeing Baird in the car, I hurried toward the vehicle. I slid in, slammed the door shut, and turned to look at him.
Everything I’d been holding in burst out of me. Baird cursed and tucked me against his chest, and I shook and sobbed uncontrollably in his arms.
“Do I need to kill her?” he asked gruffly, his own voice thick with emotion.
“No,” I whispered and then sat back in the seat. My nose was snotty, and I knew my mascara must be all over my face. Baird reached into the glove compartment and pulled out tissues for me.
He waited patiently as I blew my nose and wiped my cheeks and eyes.
Finally, I turned to him. “Let’s go home.”
He studied me, and whatever he saw had him nodding and turning on the engine.
We were about ten minutes down the motorway when I finally spoke again. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to reconcile all my feelings toward her … but I’m glad I met her today.”
“Aye?” Baird glanced at me uncertainly. “Because that was some breakdown, baby.”
“It was … it was a good breakdown. Cathartic.” I reached over to smooth a hand over his knee. “I don’t know if I will ever want her back in my life … but I wanted to know that she wasn’t this villain. That she was more complicated than that. That she … that there was a part of her that was sorry and loved me.”
“Did you get that from her?”
“I did. She … I don’t think I could ever trust her judgment. But … seeing her healed something in me, I think. I’m ready to … I’m ready to let go.”
“Wow,” he murmured. “Babe, that’s huge.”
A sense of peace settled over me as I relaxed against the seat. “Aye, it really is.” My smile was slow and still a bit trembling … but it was hopeful. “You changed my life.”
Baird grinned at me and then at the road ahead. “Aye?”
“Do you even know how special you are, Baird McMillan?”
He shook his head, the grin softening to a smile. “I didn’t. Until you told me you loved me. If someone as special as you can love me … then I guess I’m a bit of all right.”
I laughed, squeezing his knee. “You are definitely more than a bit of all right.” My tone turned serious. “My whole life, I’ve taken care of myself because that’s how it started out. I either took care of myself or no one did. Grace and Dad took care of me, but when I moved out, I reverted to independence mode. Looking back, I never let men take care of me. Will didn’t even want to try, really. But you take care of me in all the little ways and in all the big ways, and it’s like this weight off my shoulders I didn’t even realize I was carrying. So, thank you. Thank you for taking care of me. Because even though I can take care of myself, it’s lovely knowing I don’t always have to. You’re everything. You’re my everything.”