Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 87771 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 439(@200wpm)___ 351(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87771 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 439(@200wpm)___ 351(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
And if I had been aware of my lack of belongings, he was sure to remind me of that when we were breaking up. Even though he’d been the asshole who betrayed my trust, I was apparently the one who was losing it all because I’d never had anything to contribute to our relationship.
He had made me believe that was the reason he’d been seeing someone else.
Because I wasn’t enough for him.
The man I loved. The man who’d been my everything. The one I trusted, and cared for, and strived to be better for.
The man who would reward me with physical affection. And who would punish me with the lack thereof.
So many sides to him. All of them hurt me. The good sides to him hurt me with their absence, and the bad sides hurt me with the memories.
And now, this damn silence was hurting me by amplifying all my negative thoughts.
I pulled out my phone from the pocket of my sweats and opened up my music app, hitting Shuffle and setting it down on the arm of the couch. I grabbed my laptop sitting on the coffee table and sat back down. I went straight to Google and looked up things to do around town this weekend.
A pleasantly surprising number of options appeared. I clicked on the website for the local newspaper and found a ton of different events were happening. There were paint and sips, pottery courses, nature walks, a Lake Champlain Pond Hockey event (which looked fun, but it was already too late for me to register), and a… oh, interesting.
There was a photography meet-up happening at a coffee shop in the downtown area. It advertised a space for hobbyists and professionals to come together and talk shop, make connections, and then go off in groups to use what we learned together.
It was an open event. No registration required. They didn’t even require you to own a camera, just have a love for photography.
I happened to have both.
My camera was the second thing I’d unpacked when I moved, my hockey sticks being the first. I had stumbled on it pretty much by accident. It was in high school, and I needed to take one more elective. I originally wanted to take the strength training class with some of my buddies, but that was full, so they gave me my second option, which I had picked at random. I didn’t know what to expect but immediately realized I’d found something special. We had a darkroom for developing film, and I remembered feeling like those red lights and the methodical process of developing my photos offered me an escape from whatever was stressing me at the time. Another contributing factor to my love for photography was my professor, Gary DeCampo, an animated man who traveled around the world photographing everything from top models in front of the Louvre to a pride of lions prowling the African savanna.
There, my plans were set, then. It would be a good reason to get out of the house and a great way to find some community here.
First, though, I had to get out of my sweats.
I went and showered, still listening to my music, and finished getting ready. As I was getting in my car, I got the idea to text Chris from the team. All the guys seemed chill, but Chris felt the friendliest toward me right from the start. I had no idea if he was even into photography like I was, but maybe he’d still want to hang regardless.
ELI: Hey man, this is random but I’m heading to this photography meet-up. It’s at The Grind coffee shop. Want to meet me there and then grab a beer at the bar across the street?
Why does this feel so weird.
I wasn’t exactly the most social of butterflies. I had always either kept a small circle or been fine on my own for some short periods of time. Then Ben came into my life like a blackhole and sucked in everyone around me, leaving basically only him.
Even my connections with previous teammates had suffered. I wouldn’t hang out after practice as often, and I’d miss team dinners and outings because Ben either wanted me home with him or at his side at whatever business event he needed to be at.
It fucking sucked.
So even if I had to push outside of my comfort zone to make friends in Burlington, then damn it, I’d do it.
CHRIS: That sounds fun… I’ll be there. Dylan’s with me… we were at the gym. Mind if he comes?
ELI: Yeah of course! See you guys soon.
CHRIS: See you…
I chuckled and wanted to bring up the ominous ellipse usage but figured it was just Chris’s way of texting. I pulled out of my driveway and started down the tree-lined road that wound through my neighborhood. Most of the houses were all set against a thick backdrop of trees. The winter chill had stripped them of most of their leaves, but I knew that come springtime, it would serve as a beautiful background.