Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 119548 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 598(@200wpm)___ 478(@250wpm)___ 398(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 119548 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 598(@200wpm)___ 478(@250wpm)___ 398(@300wpm)
“Hm?” I jerked my full attention back towards her. “About what?”
“Marrying Fred.”
“Marrying… Fred,” I said slowly. “Right. Um. We’ve… uh, we’ve spoken about it a little, but I haven’t really… You know… Thought about it.”
“But he just said he’d marry you, dear. He’s ready to marry you. Why don’t you say yes?”
“Because, um…”
Fred poked me in the side, and I twitched.
“Because that wasn’t exactly a proposal, was it?” I blurted out. “He didn’t ask me anything.”
“Hmm.” Fred brought his hand to my face. He cupped my chin and turned me to face him, and with his blue eyes shining with silent laughter, he said, “So, would you marry me if I asked?”
You.
Absolute.
Shithead.
Fine. If he wanted to play this game, I would be a worthy opponent.
“If I tell you now, isn’t that a spoiler?” I shot back. “I sincerely hope you don’t think that was a proposal.”
“Not at all. As if I could dare ask you to be my wife so flippantly,” he said quietly, drawing his face a little closer to mine. “Don’t worry. My proposal will be so perfect you’ll have no choice but to say yes.”
Yeah, only because I’ve already been wrangled into it.
“Fine. I’ll hold you to that,” I warned him. “But you should know there’ll be none of this hiding the ring in a bit of cake shit. And if you dare cut a hole in a book, I’ll beat you with it. I want romance, Frederick. Fairy lights, flowers, you on one knee in front of our families, the whole shebang. Got it?”
He barely struggled to hold back his laugh.
“Do. You. Understand?” I prodded his chest with every word.
He choked back a chuckle and said, “Yes. I understand, my love.”
Oh.
That…
That was new.
And judging by the little fizz in my chest, that was not something he could ever say again.
“Well,” Granny said, slapping her hands against her thighs. “Perhaps we should leave these young’uns to it, Judy. You know what young love is like.”
“Indeed, Maggie, indeed.” Nana accepted her assistance to stand up. “I think I’ll take you up on your earlier offer of a room for a little lie down.”
“Of course, dear. Let’s get you one now.” Granny winked at us both. “Behave yourselves while we’re gone.”
So, no murder, then?
Damn it.
The door clicked shut behind them, and after a moment, I smacked Fred’s hand away from my face and moved away from him so quickly I almost tripped over the leg of the coffee table.
“What’s wrong with you?” I hissed. “How did you not know what I meant when I signed to you? This is why I told you to let me in—we could have come up with a plan!”
Fred leaned back on the sofa, grinning, and slid his glasses to the top of his head. “What are you harping on about now? I think that went rather well.”
“Rather well? Well? What part about any of that went bloody well?”
“We’re practically engaged. I’d say it was a successful conversation.”
I raised my arms, then quickly fisted my hands and pressed them into my cheeks. “Fred. See a doctor. You’ve lost your fucking mind.”
“Look, it’s problem solved, isn’t it? Nana was thrilled.”
“Problem solved? Why are you sitting there like it’s a crossword you’ve just solved? Good bloody God, I’m losing my marbles.”
“Maybe you need the doctor for your hysteria,” he quipped.
I grabbed a cushion from the sofa and launched myself at him, beating him with it. He laughed, and it was interspersed with grunts every time I got a good hit in on him.
“All right, all right,” he said, wrestling the cushion off me. He tossed it back to the other sofa and sat me down, pinning me in place with his hands on my shoulders. “I admit that I perhaps got a little carried away.”
I glared at him.
“A lot carried away.”
“You almost got us out of it. Why did you open your stupid mouth again after the whole ‘I’ll wait until Deli is ready’ speech you gave? You almost had us home free!”
He frowned. “Home free? We’d still have to fake a relationship.”
“Faking a relationship is a hell of lot more convenient than a marriage, Frederick.”
“Good point.” He paused, pressing his lips together. “What if we get someone to pretend to be a registrar and fake a marriage certificate?”
I twitched. “I beg your pudding?”
“Fake it. We don’t have to actually get married. I’m sure I can convince someone I know to help us fake it.” He shrugged. “Doesn’t that solve the issue of us having to get divorced or annul it? We really would be just pretending.”
“Fred. My dear, sweet, stupid Fred.” I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“What now?”
“That’s bloody illegal!” I snatched the pillow from behind me and resumed my earlier beatdown. “I am not going to jail because you couldn’t keep your gob shut!”